Title: Unworthy of Love

Author: Angelee

Fandom: The Sentinel

Pairing: Jim/Blair

Rating: Adult

Summary: See title.

Beta: By my sister Anna. All remaining errors are my own. With apologies.

Note: This story came about when Anna and me where on our way to the post office and she was telling me about something she saw on the way to my house. The muses always listening and watchful started dancing. What could I do? I go where I’m being lead. The trip is always interesting to say the least. (o:

Unworthy of Love

“Damn it,” Blair hissed angrily, reaching down to pick up what he’d dropped.

“Here, let me help.”

“No, I can get it. I don’t need any help.”

A man came into Blair’s view as he knelt by him to pick up his book. “There is no crime in getting a little help now and then,” he was told with a gentle smile.

Blair sighed softly. “I know. It’s just that everyone is always trying to be helpful. I may be a cripple, but that doesn’t mean I need help for every freaking thing on the planet.”

The man continued to look up at him. Blair sighed again. Only this time inwardly. If only he’d been born in another time. Born without one shoulder lower than the other and twisted. Making walking or even standing for long periods of time very, very difficult.

“If only’. Blair thought to himself. He would have to the courage and the confidence to ask the beautiful man, with the most beautiful pair of blue eyes staring up at him if he’d like to get a cup of coffee with him. Maybe even dinner.

But why would someone as beautiful and as perfect as the man kneeling in front of him want anything to do with a cripple? Blair thought bitterly. He wasn’t worth a second glance or even a first.

Someone like the man staring up at him curiously wouldn’t want someone like Blair. No one ever had.

“Gets frustrating for you?” the man asked.

“You have no idea.” Blair smiled at him. “Thank you for getting the book for me, though. I didn’t mean to be rude. I’ve had a rough day and my back is aching something fierce. Forgive me?”

“Sure, if you have coffee with me. Your apology will gladly be accepted.”

Blair felt his eyes widen in surprise. “Y… you want to have coffee? With me?”

The man shrugged his muscled shoulders. Making Blair very envious. They were very nice shoulders. Nice, straight, and heavily muscled. Able to carry the weight of the world on them. Blair was lucky if he could carry his backpack, with one book and not tip over.

“Sure. I’ll buy and I’ll even spring for dinner if you’re nice.”

Blair frowned at him. “What is this? Is someone trying to play a trick on me? If they are I don’t think it’s funny. And I fucking well don’t take kindly to being punked.”

The man stood and Blair found himself following him up and up and up. “You’re not being punked. Why would you thing something like that?”

“Because of the way you look and the way I look.”

Now it was the man’s turn to frown. “What is that suppose to mean?”

Blair sighed heavily. “Look at you? Then look at me. See a difference?”

“You’ve got curly hair?”

Blair rolled his eyes. “Oh, please. Like you can’t see it.”

“See what? I see a man standing with me in front of the bookstore, where he dropped his book. And I picked it up. The man has big, beautiful blue eyes and the curliest hair I’ve ever see.”

“And?”

The man looked at him up and down. “And what?”

“What else do you see?”

“Well, you dress funny. Are you some kind of hippy?”

Blair shook his head. “You must need glasses,” he replied sadly. “I’ll spell it out for the dense among us. I’m crippled. You gotta see it. One shoulder is lower than the other and kinda twisted. See it?”

“No, not really.”

“What do you mean not really,” Blair asked in exasperation.

The man reached out a hand and cupped Blair’s face. Startling him. Touch for him was rare and very, very far between.

“Like I said. I see a man with the most beautiful blue eyes and the curliest hair I’ve ever seen. I’d like to add that he’s got the most kissable mouth. I want to kiss it. Have since I saw it pouting down at me,” The man whispered pulling Blair to him.

Blair went, to stunned to do anything else. Warm lips traced his gently. Making Blair moan softly. No one had ever done this to him. He’d never been kissed or loved or anything.

“B…But I don’t even know your name,” Blair replied, following the mouth nuzzling his.

“Jim. Jim Ellison.”

Blair sighed softly as Jim rubbed his nose against his. “We’re in front of a bookstore.”

“Yeah.”

“Lots of people,” Blair replied as he gave the teasing mouth chase following it hungrily with his own. Hoping with everything in him, he wasn’t being punked.

“Hmm.”

Blair trembled lightly when a tongue teased his lower lip. “Ah,” he whispered hoarsely. Nothing had ever happened to him like this. Never in the twenty three years of his existence. He’d never thought anything like this could ever happen, not to him. Not ever to him. He moaned softly, watching dazedly as Jim seemed to capture it into himself, breathing deep.

“It’s two in the morning. Only night owls are out this late,” Jim whispered pulling Blair to him, holding him close.

Blair felt the trembling that coursed through that perfect body. He gasped as he was cradled with infinite gentleness. It felt so odd, yet so very welcomed.

“What’s happening? This can’t possible be happening to me. Oh, God.”

He felt a nose bury itself in his hair. “It is. Oh, baby, is it ever.”

Blair carefully reached his arms around Jim’s strong body, fearing rejection. Wishing to die if it happened. “Please, please. Tell me I’m not dreaming,” he whispered desperately. “Tell me you’re for real and that you want me. Please, Please. Even if it’s a lie. For tonight, lie to me if you have to, please.”

Trembling hands gathered his face. “No lie, sweetheart. I want you. I want you. I want you.” Lips rained butterfly kisses all over. To finally settle on his mouth. Taking Blair in his very first kiss ever.

When they pulled apart. “What do you want with me? I’m not perfect like you.” Blair said bitterly, regretting the words with all his heart. “You should find someone perfect to love. Someone worthy.”

Strong arms pulled him closer still. “You are perfect, Blair. You are perfect for me,” Jim whispered into his ear.

“You know my name,” Blair said, startled.

“I know your name, Blair Jacob Sandburg. I know everything about you and you are worthy. More than you’ll ever know, my beautiful Guide.”

Blair pulled away slightly. “What are you saying?”

“I’ve been following you for almost a month. I’ve seen the cruelty you’ve suffered. The ugly words. I’ve seen your tears, I’ve shared then, my beautiful Guide.” A thumb traced his lower lip. “You rarely smile.”

“I don’t have much to smile about.”

“Yet you hold your head high and continue on,” Jim told him with awed pride.

Blair nibbled the thumb gently, smiling as the blue eyes watching him dilated. “I have no choice. I just wish…”

“What do you wish, sweetheart.”

“That I had someone to look passed my deformity. To what lay beneath. Giving me a change to love and be loved.”

Blair gasped at the brilliant smile Jim gave him. “Oh, my love. Have I got a story for you. One about a lonely Sentinel in search for his perfect Guide. Disheartened after years of looking, with not luck. Till one day he spots him walking ever so slowly, ever so carefully through a campus parking lot. From the shadows he watched. Hoping for the courage to approach. Afraid of rejection, he held to the shadows. Till one day his perfect Guide dropped his book and his Sentinel fell to his knees in front of him.”

“Me?” Blair asked wistfully, hopefully. Want with all his heart to be the one Jim was talking about.

Jim nodded. “You.”

Blair felt his eyes fill with tears. “Oh, God.”

Gentle hands cupped his face once again. “Be my Guide.”

The tears fell. “Oh, yes. Oh, Goddess yes.”