Title: Not Now

Author: Angelee

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Pairing: Spike/Xander

Rating: Adult

Summary: If not now, when?

Beta: By my sister Anna. All remaining errors are mine.

Not Now

“Whatcha got there?”

Xander looked up from checking the inside of a grocery bag. “Halloween candy.”

Spike peered into the bag curiously. “Wow! That’s a lot of chocolate.”

Xander smiled at him. “Yup. I like to give the good stuff. No Dots giving out by me.”

Spike shuddered dramatically. “I know what you mean. Have you ever tried to get those things unstuck from you teeth? It’s almost impossible. Then there’s the fact eating them is like chewing a rubber band.”

“I know,” Xander replied, pulling out a bag of mixed chocolates. “and you being a vampire and all, that must have really sucked.”

Spike frowned at him. “Are you insulting me race? It’s not nice to racially profile.”

“You’re a vampire aren’t you? Have fangs?” Xander asked, pulling out another bag. This one full of Pixie Sticks.

“Well, yeah…”

“Then it must suck to get Dots stuck on them.”

Spike rolled his blue eyes. “Oh, please it’s not like I eat Dots in my vampire form.”

Xander gasped, pulling back slightly. “You don’t. Oh God, another myth smashed.”

“Screw you.”

Xander pulled out bag of M&M’s. “I think you did that this morning.”

“What you not sure? Offend my manly dignity that does.”

Xander smiled at him. “Your manly dignity is more than enough for me.”

Spike frowned again, reaching for the M&M’s. “You saying I’ve got me shortcomings.”

“Huh? That English talk of yours can be real had to understand sometimes.”

Spike opened the bag of candy. “You not happy with my lovin’?”

“Of course I am, you silly vampire. I didn’t mean to hurt you feelings. If you must know, I think your manly endowments are just right to keep me happy.”

Spike smiled at him, cheekily. “I got me manly endowments?”

Xander nodded. “Yes and they’re plenty big for me. Hmm, all this talk of manly endowments and manly dignity has made me…”

“Horny?”

Xander pulled the bag of M&M’s out of Spike’s hands. “No, hungry.” Spike groaned in disappointment. Xander smiled at him. “You can use your manly endowments on me after we have lunch. Then wanna help me carve pumpkins?”

“Do I have to?”

“Well, you never know the knife might slip and cut me. If you don’t want the honors of rendering first aid-do you happen to know of any willing vampire that might like to do the honors?”

Spike growled menacingly. “As if?” Pulling the unresisting human into his arms, pushing the bags of candy to the side. “I think I’ll have me lunch now.” Slipping into his vampire face. Feeling the deep shudders that coursed though Xander’s body. “No other vampire will ever touch what’s mine. Got it?”

Xander arched up into him. His body seconds from coming “Oh, God. I love your vampire face. It turns me on something fierce.”

Spike reached down to find out exactly how turned on. Smiling at the hardness that greeted his hand. “Oh, yeah,” he replied in satisfaction. “It surely does.” Kneading the firmness with his palm.

Xander moaned, biting his lip hard enough to make it bleed. Blue eyes watched avidly as the skin tore allowing a tiny pool of blood to escape.

“Want you,” he whispered softly.

“Have me.”

“Yeah.”

Xander nodded. “Yeah. Have me right here on the table. Right now.”

Spike didn’t need to be told twice. Quickly pulling off Xander jeans, not bothering with the human’s t-shirt.

“No undies. I’m shocked,” he chuckled softly as his pulled the jeans off and tossed them away.

“As if. Hurry up.”

“Demanding human.”

“I could find me someone who would be willing to accommodate my demands very easily if you don’t want to.”

Spike stopped what he was doing to give Xander an unreadable look. Finally arching an eyebrow, he quickly entering the human. Earning a gasp of painful surprise.

“Oh, yeah?” he questioned softly, starting a pace that was going to leave Xander sore. “You had better quit with the threats. I don’t take kindly to been threatened.”

Xander looked up at the vampire. “N…not a threat. I can.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Mine.” Spike told him with a shove that nearly send them tumbling to the floor.

“I…” Xander arched up meeting the demanding pace the vampire had set.

“You what?” Spike asked giving the human a decidedly grating smile.

“I…”

“You what?” Spike asked again, shoving hard. Hands came up to pull him closer. The rhythm set between them never breaking.

“I hate you,” Xander finally told him, nuzzling a semi-cold neck, pulling him even closer as his legs wrapped around violently moving hips.

“Yeah, I can tell. Xander?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t want you to.”

Xander looked up at Spike his eyes a dark mix of confusion and lust. “Don’t want me to what?”

“Don’t want you going with anyone else.”

A shaking hand came up to caress his cheek. “Alright.”

“Your mine?” Spike asked tentatively. So tentatively it broke Xander’s heart. What shattered it a little more was the lost and lonely look in Spike’s beautiful blue eyes.

“Yours. Only yours,” Xander replied, fighting back tears. “I’m sorry for teasing you. I won’t ever do it again.”

Spike looked away in embarrassment. “I don’t mean to be such a sissy.”

Xander’s other hand came up to gently cup the vampire’s face. “You’re not. You’re just real unsure of me. I’m sorry about that. If you want a commitment from me, you can have it.”

Spike gave a disparaging sound. “What kind of commitment could a vampire and a human have between one another? You’ll die before me and then I’ll be all by myself all over again.”

“Spike?”

“Ya?”

Xander turned the vampire to look at him. “What do I mean to you?”

Spike’s blue eyes widened. “What?”

“You heard me.”

Spike tried to turn his head, it wasn’t allowed as Xander held him gently still. “What would you have me say?”

Xander gave him a tiny smile. “Oh, I don’t know-that you love me, maybe?”

“Why would I love you? You’re a human.”

“Don’t, just don’t.”

“I…”

Xander pulled Spike’s face closer. “Answer me.” He whispered, sending warm air all over the vampire’s face.

Spike closed his eyes allowing it to gently caress his senses. He loved the way Xander smelled. Clean and if sunshine had a smell it would be on Xander.

“I love you,” he finally replied, softly and so very reluctantly.

“I love you, too.” Xander answered back and no where near as reluctantly.

Spike’s eyes popped open. “Y…You do?”

Xander smiled at him. “Course I do, you silly vampire. I wouldn’t let just and any old person fuck me.”

“I ain’t old.” Xander furrowed his brows. Spike gave him a sheepish smile. “To old,” he amended.”

“Hmm,” Xander replied, running his hands down Spike’s back, going lower to cup the buttocks that had not stopped moving. “Spike, you never did answer me. “Do you want a commitment?”

“You mean the ring and vows and all?”

Xander nodded. “That’s what I mean.”

“I thought according to your Aunt Mae we were already married.”

“Answer me, Spike. Quit being obtuse.”

Spike looked out into the small kitchen, thrusting slowly into the body under him. He sighed heavily. “Would that be bad of me if I did?”

“Look at me Spike.” The vampire did, meeting Xander’s eyes. “I love you. Do you love me?”

“Course I do. I wouldn’t be shagging you if I didn’t.”

Xander rolled his eyes. “Oh, please, you’d shag anything that moved and some that didn’t just to get yourself off.”

Spike pulled back slightly. “That’s a rumor. There’s no proof of that.”

“Ha. Spike?”

“Hmm.”

Xander cupped Spike’s face again. Running his fingers over the high cheekbones. “Marry me, for reals.”

“W...What?”

“You heard. I’m pretty sure you’re not deaf.”

Spike lowered his head, when he finally lifted it his blue eyes were filled with tears. “I can’t.”

“Why?”

“Because. You’ll grow old and die and leave me all by myself. I couldn’t take that. I just couldn’t.”

Xander reached up, moaning softly when it caused the vampire to slide deeper. Licking at the tears gathering on Spike’s lashes. “Turn me.”

“W…What?”

Xander sighed heavily. “For someone with good hearing you sure are deaf. “Turn me.”

Spike shook his head frantically. “No. No.”

“Why not?”

“Because the last time I turned someone I loved they came back worse that before.”

Xander wrapped his arms around the vampire keeping him still and deeply within him. “Your mom,” he replied in understanding.

Spike buried his head against the human’s warm neck. “Ya.”

“I won’t turn into a monster.”

“H…how can you be so sure?”

“I’m not sick. I remember you telling me that your mom was sick and you did it to try and keep her alive. I’m not sick.”

“I can’t. I just can’t,” Unable to fight the overwhelming emotions anymore Spike began to cry. Deep heart wrenching sobs. Xander let him, offering comfort. Spike had never allowed himself to morn his mother. Until now. It was time, so Xander held the sobbing vampire close and allowed him the release. Finally the sobbing stopped, but Spike refused to look up. No matter how much Xander tried coaxing.

“Spike, look at me.”

“No.”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m not a babe in nappies, I shouldn’t be crying like one.”

“Spike, look at me. I’ll let you fuck me if you do.”

The vampire gave a rather shaky laugh. “Thought that’s what I was doing.”

“Yeah, but I’ll let you do it all afternoon if you want.”

Spike finally looked up, his blue eyes blood-shot, eyelashes clumping together from the tears. “A…all I got to do is show you my vampire face and it’ll get you off. Don’t even have to touch you.”

Xander ran his hands over Spike’s back, soothingly. “Know what?”

“What?”

“We still haven’t done that.”

Spike buried his face against the human’s warm if not slightly damp neck. “What? Seen how many times I could make you come just be using my vampire face?”

“Yeah. That be kinda cool, huh?”

Spike chuckled, making Xander shiver in reaction. “Yeah. Could be kinda fun.”

“We can try it tomorrow if you like.”

Spike pulled away looking down into Xander’s face. “Why not today?”

“Halloween.”

“Ah, yeah. Forgot about that.”

Xander cupped the vampire’s buttocks urging him into a stronger rhythm. “Yup. You’ll just have to make me come half a dozen times before we start to carve pumpkins.”

Spike chuckled. Renewing the deep, thrust from before. “I can do that, easy.”

Xander smiled up at him. “I know you can. We still need to talk.”

Spike frowned. “Not now. Please, not now,” he begged softly.

“No,” Xander agreed softly. “Not now, but soon. Very, very soon.”

Spike slipped easily into his vampire face. Watching the human hiss in pleasure. Feeling warm wetness coat his stomach as Xander came. He pulled his human closer to him as he began a rhythm that would leave Xander feeling him all afternoon. “Yes, soon, but not now later. Much, much later.”