Title: When Love Dies
Author: Angelee
Fandom: The Sentinel
Pairing: Jim/Blair (with hints of Rafe)
Summary: What happens?
Beta: By Bobbie. All remaining errors are my own. With apologies.
When Love Dies
Blair wiped the tears coursing down his face angrily with the back of his hand. It hurt. It would probably always hurt. He wondered if anyone could see the big, gaping whole in his chest, where his heart had once been.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. It wasn’t supposed to end this way. Forever wasn’t supposed to be two years. Blair thought they’d been happy. He tried his darnedest to make Rafe happy.
Rafe wasn’t supposed to be able to go off with someone else. Not without warning. Not leaving Blair feeling as if he’d been run over by a big truck, leaving him feeing as if all his hopes and dreams had been squashed flat. Leaving him feeling alone and empty and so full of tears he could fill an ocean.
Love wasn’t supposed to die.
Not like that.
Not without warning.
You’re supposed to get some type of warning.
Weren’t you?
Your soulmate wasn’t supposed to be able to find another and run off with them.
Were they?
Blair wiped at another stream of tears.
He’d gone home, happy.
Wanting to share the news that he’d gotten the teaching position he’d
always wanted at
He’d gotten them health insurance, for goddess sakes.
That should account for something. Shouldn’t it?
He’d opened the door to their small apartment to find it empty. Everything was gone except Blair’s clothing.
He should be grateful for at least that. Right?
He’d found the letter on top of his pile of clothing, telling him that Rafe no longer loved him; had stopped loving him a long, long time ago. That second emphasis on ‘long ago’ really stung. The letter told him that they weren’t compatible. They didn’t have the same taste in food, music, clothing, nothing.
Blair thought Rafe liked his tapes of tribal music.
Was there something wrong with organic food?
As to clothing, Blair looked down at his worn jeans, scuffed sneakers and colorful vest hiding an equally worn t-shirt. Maybe Rafe had a point on the clothing. After all, the Sentinel wore only name brand suits and ties. Even his shoes were hand-made and extremely expensive.
Blair wiped at the tears angrily. But still, was that any reason to dump him so coldly and without feeling? He could have at least done it face to face. But then, he wouldn’t have been able to run off with everything but the kitchen sink.
Blair’s head popped up just to check. It was still there.
Rafe must really hate him.
What had he done to make the Sentinel hate him so much?
Okay, he was enthusiastic about learning, but that wasn’t exactly a fault. Was it? He loved to read. He looked around the room. Rafe had taken his books, all of them, even Blair’s prized and beloved book by Richard Burton on Sentinels.
Probably in revenge for all the times Blair wasn’t paying attention to him, reading a book instead of kissing his expensively encased feet. Blair mentally drew back a little, because-wow-that sounded bitter.
He sighed sadly. He had a right to be bitter.
He didn’t deserve to be dumped like this, or to have Rafe take his Sentinel book.
Well, that was wrong.
Blair sat cross-legged on the floor, feeling depressed and sad. So very, very sad. After a moment he tipped himself over onto the carpeted floor and curled up into a miserable little ball and gave into his misery, crying his broken, shattered little heart out.
There wasn’t anyone in the room to hear him anyway. The only one that could was Rafe, who’d run off with Maya Carrasco, a student Blair had introduced him to. They were probably on her father’s boat right now, heading for parts unknown and having a hearty laugh at his expense. Hell, now Rafe had someone who could ‘afford’ his expensive taste. Maya’s dad was loaded.
Rafe never could keep his eyes from wandering, even when in a committed relationship. Even less with someone who was beautiful and rich. What chance did Blair have?
Blair had tried everything to keep those beautiful brown eyes from wandering; including doing some acrobatic things in bed that, frankly, astounded him. Kinda hurt too. But he thought it would help keep Rafe interested.
Obviously not.
Sentinels weren’t supposed to have wandering eyes when in a relationship. Said so in the Sentinel book. Boy, was that ever a lie! His did and stole everything he had, including his Sentinel book.
He was going to have a hard time explaining that to Simon Banks, the head of Sentinel/Guide Research.
Simon already hated him.
Man, there was going to be nothing left of him after Blair told him about this.
Blair curled up into a tighter ball.
‘Shoot me. Just shoot me now.’ He whispered, softly, miserably.
Feeling so lost and alone, he didn’t hear the door to the apartment open or gently close. He didn’t see the man standing just inside the door staring down at him with sympathetic blue eyes; eyes that rarely held that amount of emotion, much less the glaze of tears that coated them now as he watched the miserable young man on the floor.
Blair didn’t see any of this, feeling overwhelmingly lost and lonely.
He didn’t notice, even when the man knelt by his side, hands trembling as the reached out to him, hesitantly, then drawing back, as if afraid.
Blair didn’t know about any of this. But he certainly felt it when a large, warm body wrapped itself around him.
He startled violently.
Arms held him steady; words of comfort were murmured softly in his ears. Words that had never come easily to the man, came now.
He’d never in is life seen such a miserable ball of curly hair.
He ached for the pain the man was going through, as if he was going through it as well. He tightened his arms around the body in his arms, burying his face in those same curls and waited for the storm to pass.
He’d done a lot of waiting anyway. What was a little more going to hurt?
Blair had not been meant for Rafe and everyone knew it. Everyone except Blair. So Jim had waited for Rafe to show his true colors.
It had taken longer than Jim had thought. Two years, three months, ten hours, sixteen minutes and five seconds long, to be exact.
Jim Ellison had waited, wanting with a desperation he’d never felt before in his life. But he couldn’t do anything else. The Guide was devoted to his Sentinel - a Sentinel that didn’t deserve him. Jim had to wait, learning the art of impatient waiting.
Simon had alerted him that Rafe had finally bolted.
Jim had come over to pick up the pieces and hopefully ease the pain Blair was destined to be in. He hadn’t expected the heart wrenching ball of misery he held in his arms. He had been hoping and praying with everything in him Blair would want him as much as Jim wanted Blair. Right now, it didn’t look good, though.
His own tears fell, dripping like silver glitter to lay on bright shiny curls. He was crying as much for Blair as for himself. He could easily lose everything he’d dreamed and wanted for so long, Blair Sandburg as his Guide.
Jim held on. For both of them, he held on.
Blair let him.
Slowly the tears of pain and grief eased and finally stopped, replaced by hitching breaths that moved both their bodies. Blair slowly uncurled, turning within the strong arms that held him.
“Hello,” he said softly, meeting the patient, blue eyes reddened with tears.
“Hi.”
“I should be embarrassed, huh?”
“Why?”
Blair sighed unhappily. “For doing such an unmanly thing.”
“It made you feel better, didn’t it?”
“Yes.”
Warm lips kissed his forehead. “Then that’s all that matters.”
“Rafe would have called me a sissy.”
“Rafe’s not here.”
Blair should have felt a sharp stab of pain, but didn’t. “No, he’s not.”
“I am.”
Blair looked at him curiously. “Yes. You’re Jim Ellison.”
“Yes.”
“Have you found your Guide yet?”
“I never lost him. I’ve always know where he was.”
“Oh,” Blair felt an odd ache start in his tummy. “I’m glad, I guess.”
He was given a brilliant smile. “Me too,” The arms around Blair tightened.
Blair frowned slightly. “Huh?”
Another kiss to his forehead. “Mine.”
Blair’s frown deepened. “What?”
“I’ve waited a long time.”
“Huh?”
“You’re a little dense, aren’t you, Chief?”
Blair wiggled in the strong arms encasing him. “I just had a shock. I’m entitled to be a little dense,” he replied, laying his head against the strong chest.
“I suppose.”
“This is what happens when love dies,” Blair said sadly.
“Blair, look at me,” when the big blue eyes full of renewed tears met his, Jim said. “No, this is what happens when love begins.”