Title: Blue Tinted World: Blair’s Solution
Fandom: The Sentinel
Pairing: Jim/Blair, Steven/Michael, Rafe/Lee, (preslash) William/Daniel (slash)
Summary: Blair does what he has to get his Sentinel to listen.
Beta: By my sister Anna. All remaining errors are mine. With apologies.
Blue Tinted World: Blair’s Solution
“No worry. I no mad at you.”
Blair sat down in front of the spirit animals. Crossing his little legs as he did so.
He sighed unhappily. “Jim berry stubborn. No listen.”
The wolf pup gave a tiny yelp of agreement.
Blair smiled at him. “I try and try ta get him ta listen to me. But he no do. He listen for berry little time den he start again wiff da no listening. He tink dat cause I little, I no-no what I talkin’ ‘bout. I know. I no dummy.”
The pup placed his head on Blair’s leg. The little Guide began to absently stroke it.
“Why Jim so stubborn. He worthy of love, worthy of much love. Yet he ‘fraid. Always ‘fraid. “Fraid dat he lose Steven. Dat he lose me. Dat he lose and no have anyone. No one ta luv. Have no one ta care.”
“He so stubborn, so…” Blair hit his head in frustration. Making the panther growl. Blair ignored him. “I no-know what ta do. Get him ta listen ta me. Maybe if I no so little.”
Blair’s eyebrows went up, blue eyes widening. “Maybe dat work. If I no so little. Dis the place to do it. You tink it work?” he asked the pup, who gave an affirming bark. “How ‘bout you?” Blair then asked the panther cub.
The cub threw back his head and growled loudly into the cave. “I take dat as a yup. Maybe I bees able to talk to Jim ‘bout being Sentinel. He hates be Sentinel. He ‘fraid. Always ‘fraid. No like powers, no like being different. Maybe I be able to help in dat.”
Blair looked toward the front of the cave. “He come. I better gets ready.”
Jim walked into the cave carrying a bunch of bananas. They fell to the floor with a relatively silent splat.
“It’s me, Jim.”
Jim stared stunned beyond belief at the man watching him in silent amusement. “Why?”
Blair moved his curly hair off his face. Noticing how the movement was watched by his Sentinel.
“I thought that this might be the best way to get you to listen to me. And in what better place to do that than in the spirit world. A place of magic. Maybe here we can come to an understanding about your place in my world and mine in yours.”
The Guide held up his hand. ‘No buts, my love. It’s time for us to deal with your worries head on and deal with them. Before they cause you to freeze up when you have to do a job that could cost lives.”
Jim kicked at the ground with the toe of his left foot. “I don’t want it.”
“What? I didn’t quite hear that.”
“I don’t want it. I don’t want the responsibility. I don’t want to be a Sentinel.”
Blair frowned slightly. “You don’t really have a choice.”
“Why? Because it would mean having to give you up?”
“Does it bother you that much?”
Jim looked out into the cave. Seeing it in a far off sense of the word, but not really. Lost inside his head. Inside his pain.
“I don’t want to lose you.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“I’m yours for the duration.”
“What does that mean?”
Blair rose from his cross-legged sitting position. “Before we talk this out, I want you to do something for me.”
“I want you to age yourself to an age you’ll feel comfortable talking with me at. Can you do that?”
Jim nodded. “Yeah, yeah-I can do that.”
Blair watched silently as his Sentinel aged himself approximately thirty years. “Oh, God, Jim you’re so beautiful. If a bit sparse up top.”
Jim ran a hand over his less than full hair. “Yeah, well-happens to all of us,” he replied self-consciously.
Blair tossed his hair, not missing the way his Sentinel watched the movement again. Only this time with what the Guide could only describe as hunger.
“Not all of us.”
Jim smiled at him. “Yeah, right. Wait until you’re my age.”
“I’ll still have a full head of curly hair.”
“Ha. So what do you want to talk to me about that it had to be done like this?”
“We need to deal with all your in securities before they end up damaging everything.”
Jim approached Blair gingerly. “Like what?”
“Your relationship with me for one. You being a Sentinel for another.”
Jim sighed softly. “I don’t want to be a Sentinel. I don’t want the responsibility of being a super Sentinel,” he said as he sat down next to his once again sitting Guide.
Blair looked at him. “You don’t have a choice any more than I have a choice about being a Guide.”
“”I don’t want it, Blair,” Jim insisted.
“And what you think that by not wanting it-it’ll go away. Doesn’t work that way, my friend.”
“I can hope. Can I touch you?”
Blair tilted his head to the side contemplating his extremely stubborn Sentinel. “You can hope all you want. Won’t change a fucking thing. And yeah you can touch me.”
Jim carefully and very gently took Blair into his arms. “Oh, you feel good.”
Blair chuckled softly. “Glad you think so,” he told him, wrapping his own arms around his beautiful Sentinel. “I done chose good.”
Jim losing himself in the clean scent of his Guide’s hair. “I’m glad you think so,” replied nuzzling deep in the soft curls.
“I know so. I wish you weren’t so hard on yourself.”
“I know you are, sweetheart. But I’ll be with you. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”
Jim looked up. “Did you just call me sweetheart?”
“Did. Got a problem with it?”
Blair reached up cupping Jim’s face in gentle hands. “Didn’t think so. I love you.”
“I know and I love you too.”
Blair pulled Jim’s head toward him and kissed him. “We need to deal with that first I think.”
The Sentinel lost himself in the feel of Blair’s lips against his. “Hmm?”
Blair pulled away, chuckling when Jim followed scowling heavily at being denied. “My love for you and what it means in your life.”
“I’ll give you another kiss if you listen to me.”
Jim pulled away slightly, but still holding tightly to his Guide. “Alright,” he replied reluctantly.
Blair chuckled softly. “Well, don’t sound like you’re going to the dentist for a root canal. We’re just going to talk.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of. Little Blair can talk my ear off. I can just imagine older Blair.”
Blair slapped his arm with his hand. “Wise ass.”
Jim winced. “Ow!”
“Aw, did that hurt?”
Jim rubbed his throbbing arm. “Damn right-that hurt.”
“Want me to kiss it and make it better.”
Jim’s eyes lit up. “Would you? It really hurt.”
“Wimp,” Blair replied, but he took Jim’s arm in his hand and gently kissed it. His eyes never leaving his Sentinel’s face.
Jim swallowed heavily. “Oh.”
“I just realized that I can….”
Blair’s eyes looked down into his Sentinel’s lap. “Get aroused.”
Jim blinked, swallowing again. “Yeah.”
“We can…you know,” Blair told him, blushing brightly.
Jim thought about it. “You’re still a baby.”
Blair fluttered his eyelashes at his Sentinel. “Not right now,” he said coyly.
“No, not right now. But in real time you’re four. I can’t. I’ll wait till you’re older in the real world.”
“But why?” Blair asked in disappointment.
“Because that’s the way I want it.”
Blair moved closer to Jim, teasing him with his scent. “But I want you in the here and now.”
The Sentinel’s nose lifted, breathing deep. “No.”
Blair watched Jim’s eyes harden slightly. “Don’t question me on this, Blair. Please?”
“Does it mean that much to you?”
Jim nodded. “Yeah, it does.”
“Alright then, but I’m going to tease the hell out of you.”
Jim smiled at him. “Fair enough.”
Blair pushed Jim onto his back and promptly climbed on top of him. “Starting now.”
“Wow! You don’t waste time.”
Blair gently petted his Sentinel’s hair. “Nope.” Kissing his forehead. “I love you. I wish you’d listen to me.”
Jim ran his hands over his not so little Guide’s back. “I listen.”
“But not with anything that truly matters.”
Jim’s hands traveled up Blair’s back to tangle in soft curls. “I have trouble listening because you’re four,” he replied, gently nuzzling his neck with his nose.
“Not right now.”
“You’re still four.”
Blair pushed his body down against his Sentinel’s. “Does this feel like the body of a four year old?”
Jim arched up at the contact. God that felt good. “N…no.”
“Alright. Talk to me.”
“You’re an asshole,” Blair told him, kissing his nose.
“You’re point being?”
“I love you and I always will.”
Jim tangled his fingers deeper, angling Blair’s head further back. “I know that.”
“Do you? Do you really.”
“Said it didn’t I?” Jim kissed Blair’s prominent Adam’s apple.
“But do you mean it?”
“Wouldn’t say something like that if I didn’t mean.”
Blair began a gentle rhythm. Moving his hips gently against his stubborn Sentinel. “You do it all the time.”
Big, strong hands on his hips forced him to stillness. “Stop that. No, I don’t.”
“I tell you and tell you and tell you that I’m yours for the rest of eternity and you don’t listen. What do I have to do? Tattoo it on your ass? Or maybe mine?”
“Don’t you dare.”
Blair fought the hands on his hips, but Jim was strong. “Let go.”
Blair sighed softly. Wiggling as much as those hands would allow. “I’m yours, Jim. Heart, body and soul. Stop trying to get around it.”
“I’m not trying to get around it. And quite wiggling.”
“I like the way you feel.”
Jim placed a hand against Blair’s lower back, stopping the wiggling. “Sorry.”
“No you’re not.”
Jim sighed unhappily. “I sure as hell am. You don’t know how close I am to letting you have your wicked way with me.”
“Yeah? How close? Can I be on top?”
“Yeah, you can be on top. But when you’re sixteen.”
Blair lowered his head to rest it against his Sentinel’s very broad chest. “Damn. I know how you feel about me continuing when you’re gone. I do, Jim. I truly get it. At any age. I get it. But you need to understand that when you go, I go. That was the commitment I made to you when I took you as my Sentinel. You. Are. Mine. I. Am. Yours.”
Jim buried his nose into Blair’s hair, moving the curls around to get more of his Guide’s fragrance. “I want you to live.”
“Not without you.”
“No buts, asshole.
Jim gasped. “Is that anyway to talk to your Sentinel?”
“Is when he’s being…well-an asshole.”
Jim chuckled. “I love you.”
“Yeah, yeah. Tell me something I don’t already know.”
“Well, that’s mighty snotty of you.”
Blair pulled away slightly to look into the hurt blue eyes looking up at him. The Guide straddle his Sentinel. “I’m sorry. I know you love me. I do. But the part that bothers me the most is that you’re always trying to get rid of me.”
“No, I’m not.”
Blair’s big, beautiful blue eyes filled with tears. “That’s how it feels. You’re trying to push me off onto everyone and their grandma’s aunt.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Are,” Blair replied, wiping at the tears impatiently. “I belong with you. When you leave one world for the next. I’m. Going. With. You. Get that through that thick skull of yours.”
Blair shook his head. “No, my lover to be. I’m going with you. Remember what it’s like for you when I’m not around?”
Jim’s eyes widened. “Blair…”
“That’s exactly what it’ll be like for me without you.”
Jim shook his head. “NO. No. Don’t say that.”
Blair gave him a smile so sad it broke Jim’s heart. “I’m sorry to say you’re saddled with a needy Guide for the rest of eternity.”
Jim closed his eyes fighting off the tears. “I never meant…”
“What to be chosen as my Sentinel? Saddled with me?”
Jim sat up carefully gathering his trembling Guide to him. “I never meant for you to think you weren’t wanted. You are. I thought I was showing you. Every minute of every day. I thought I was showing you.”
Blair buried his face against Jim’s chest. “How? By continually pushing me away?”
The Sentinel fought back the tears, biting his lip hard to keep from completely falling apart. “I never meant that. Not ever.”
“I’m yours. For good. Bad or indifferent. I’m so sorry you don’t think I’m worth of you,” Blair began to quietly cry against Jim’s chest.
Jim tightened his hold on his Guide. “What have I done? Blair? Blair, baby. Look at me.” When Blair refused to look up, he gently cupped his Guide’s face. “You’re wanted. I swear to God, you are,” he told him. Raining kisses all over his face. “You are. I swear you are, Baby.”
“Then why do you push me away?”
“I don’t feel worthy of you, Baby. I never have.”
Blair sighed softly. “Jim, how can you not be worthy of me? I wanted you. That makes you more than worthy of me.”
Jim gently stroked Blair’s curly off his forehead. “That makes some sort of weird logic, I suppose.”
“Sure it does. I wouldn’t choose just any old Sentinel.”
Jim chuckled. “I suppose.”
“We’re a fine pair.”
Jim turned his Guide’s head slightly to sniff at Blair’s neck. “Huh?”
“Our insecurities are causing a world of hurt.”
Blair cupped Jim’s head, trying to get his distracted Sentinel to focus. “Stop sniffing me. We need to get this straightened out.” Jim fought him, growling low in his throat. “Oh, please, like that’s going to work. Stop it.”
Jim did as his Guide wanted. Moving away, slightly if not rather reluctantly. “All right,” he said ungraciously.
Blair chuckled. “Thank you.”
“Ha.” Jim replied, still miffed at being denied ready access to his Guide.
Blair ran his hand down the side of his Sentinel’s face, smiling when Jim closed his eyes and purred in pleasure.
“You sound just like your spirit animal.”
“Can’t help it.”
Blair pushed Jim back down and laid his head on his Sentinel’s chest like before. “You’re not suppose to help it. It part of who you are. Nothing to be ashamed of. Besides I like hearing you purr.”
Jim went back to sniffing Blair’s curls. “Really?”
“So what are you going to do about our insecurity problem?”
Blair rubbed his face against the black and while flannel shirt he was currently wearing. “Well, you could promise that you’ll quit trying to push me away. Promise that wherever you go, I go. And that you’ll love me forever and ever. And this is an important part-that you don’t ever try and second guess my love for you.”
Jim ran his hands over his Guide’s back. “You don’t ask for much,” he replied ruefully.
“I know, but this is important to me. Accept the fact that I’m with you for the duration. Not until you get older. Not until you find another Guide. Because, buddy-I hate to tell you this, but that ain’t happening. And most importantly when you die.”
The Guide lifted his head to look in Jim’s eyes. Seeing the confusion and fear in them. “I’m not leaving you. No ever. That includes in death. What would you do if I died?”
“Serious question, my friend. What would you do if say-I got hit by a bus going to work one day and died?”
Jim felt his eyes fill with tears at the thought of not having Blair in his life. Not having the love and warmth of his Guide. “I would cease to exist.”
“So would I if something happened to you. Understand, Jim, please?” Blair pleaded softly.
“You would leave everything you know to go with me into the frightening unknown? Just like that?”
Blair nodded, sending curls all over his forehead. “In a heartbeat. What’s to be frightened of, if we go together?”
“Blair,” Jim whispered, awed beyond belief at the love his Guide felt for him.
“I’m not little now, Jim. I’m an adult. My answer to you will be the same at four or at fourty. I love you and always will.”
Blair rolled his eyes. “Again with the buts.”
“What did I do to deserve so much love, so much devotion?” he asked, unable to hide the emotion Blair’s word invoked. “I don’t understand.”
Blair gave him a misty smile. “You accepted me into your life. Accepted my love. You told me yes.”
“Like that was a hard thing to do.”
“To the point that you did, it was. Especially at being as afraid as you are. Now we need to deal with the rest of it.”
Jim closed his eyes as he thought about Blair’s heartfelt words. No matter what he did, Blair would follow him. Nothing to be done about that. His Guide had so much as said so. Come what may, Blair was his in every sense of the word. Jim’s most precious possession ever.
Blair seemed to think that Jim was worthy. So who was Jim to argue. Blair was in his blood. Now that he’d aged himself some, Jim could see it, sense it. It was only going to get stronger. It went way beyond the point of Blair being his Guide.
There was a bond deeper than the one of a Sentinel to his Guide or Guide to his Sentinel. Blair was his soulmate. His love of the likes he would never ever have again. Not in this life or any other.
Jim could sense it. They would travel from one life to the next. Fighting, loving, laughing. But always, always deeply in love. And most importantly-together.
Jim sighed heavily. Opening his eyes he met those of his quietly watching Guide. “Alright, Blair. I understand, now.”
“Do you? Truly?”
Jim nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t really get it before. But I do now. Really I do.”
“No more fighting me on it?”
“No more fighting. I swear on my love for you.”
Blair gave him a brilliant smile. “Cool. Now let’s deal with the Sentinel issues you’ve got going.”