Title: Blue Tinted World: No One Listens
Fandom: The Sentinel
Pairings: Jim/Blair, Steven/Michael, Rafe/Lee, (preslash) William/Daniel (slash)
Summary: See title.
Beta by my sister Anna. All remaining errors are mine own. With apologies.
Blue Tinted World: No one Listens
“Do you know that sometimes I think I’m talking to myself?” Jim told the quietly watching panther cub. “I swear no one listens to me.”
The panther growled softly as if to dispute the claim.
Jim smiled down at him. “Well, okay you are. But you’re different. You’re my spirit guide. I just wish I could get everyone else to listen to me and do what I ask. Especially Blair and Steven.”
The cub seemed to nod his head in agreement.
Jim turned to look at his Guide sleeping peacefully in their sort of bedroom. “I just want them to survive. It’s real important to me that they survive. But they seem to want to hang onto me like little ticks. The more I try and shake them off the more they hold on even tighter than before.
“I don’t know what the future holds for me. For any of us. Steven keeps telling me that everything is going to be okay. And as you can tell that work out real well.” Jim smiled. “Once we get back home I’m going to give him hell for this one.” The smile vanished. “If we get home.”
The panther purred softly, moving closer as if to give comfort.
“This has been hell. Worse than when I found out I was a Sentinel. I never wanted to be a Sentinel. Did you know that? Nope, not ever. If I could give it away I would. It’s been nothing but a big hassle.” Jim smiled softly. “Except for Blair. Like I said before he’s the one good thing to come out of this whole thing.” Jim looked down at the panther. “And here I am. Suppose to be a big shot Sentinel or some such nonsense and have no fucking idea what the hell I’m doing.”
The wolf pup who’d curled himself around Blair gave a tiny snort as if telling Jim to watch his language.
Jim smiled at him. “Ha, what are you going to do-tell Blair on me?”
Another little snort.
“You would to, wouldn’t you? Just to see Blair hit me.”
The only response the puppy gave was a slight twitch of his ears.
Jim sighed looking out into their cave. “I wish I knew what the fuck I’m suppose to be doing. If it were all painted in black and white it’d be a lot easier. But it’s not. There are so many colors in this world of mine and now to fuck it all its all blue tinted. What am I suppose to do?”
He looked at the panther as if waiting for an answer. He sighed again when the panther just looked at him.
“Didn’t think you’d be able to help. I was just kinda hoping, you know?” Jim looked over to make sure his little Guide was well and truly asleep.
“I need for you two to do something for me. Blair’s asleep. It’s just between us. I need for you to swear to me that no matter what, you’ll take care of Blair. I don’t care how much Blair screams and yells, see to it that he survives. He has to survive. He has too. Nothing else matters. He. Has. To. Survive. Has to.”
The wolf gave a small moan of what sounded to Jim like despair.
“I know. I know. But my life doesn’t mean shit. Blair’s does. He so little. He’s got his whole life ahead of him. If something happens to me help him find another Sentinel. Make sure that he’s happy. I know he can be happy if he put his mind to it.”
The panther growled.
Jim glared at him. “Don’t you start, too. Do as I say.” Despair entered his voice. “Please. If you don’t ever do another nice thing for me. Do this. Blair surviving is important. I don’t know what the fuck my life holds. I have a feeling that a lot of it is going to be downright dangerous. Help Blair as much as you can.” His eyes filled with tears.
“I’d give up being a Sentinel if it meant Blair would be alright. Just give it all up. I’d do it in a heartbeat. And not miss it at all. I’d still love Blair with my whole heart and soul.” His breath hitched. “You should have seen him when I went online. Little face all covered in chocolate. So willing, demanding to help me. Whether I wanted it or not. Offering me everything.” The tears spilled.
“He gave me my life that day. I never realized that I hadn’t been really living until he walked into the room.” He turned toward his sleeping Guide. “My beautiful little baby. Everyday he’s been my life has been a joy. He’s so smart, loving, funny and so demanding for someone so very little. The room lights up when he walks into it.” Jim’s voice hitched. “He gives me everything. I don’t even ask, he just offers it as if I’m worthy of it. I don’t think I am. Don’t think I’ll ever be. But he does it anyway. I wish to hell I was.” Jim’s head dropped to his chest. Feeling so lost and alone all of a sudden. “I wish to hell I was.”
The panther offered a soft, consoling purr.
It didn’t really help. Jim sighed unhappily. “I need you to promise on everything you hold holy that you’ll take care of Blair. I don’t care how much he screams, yell and hits. Protect him. Swear to me now or leave this cave.”
The panther gave a sound that could only be consent.
Jim turned to the wolf pup, who’d gotten up and was now laying next to the panther. “And you?”
The pup growled, which Jim took as a resounding no.
“I’ll make you leave the cave. I swear I will.”
The puppy growled again. Softer this time.
“Do as I say. I’m the Sentinel here. You’re suppose to do what I say.”
The wolf pup reluctantly made a sound of affirmation.
“Good. I’ll going outside for a little bit. Guard Blair.” With that the young Sentinel left the cave.
Neither the puppy or the cub noticed that Blair was awake until he sat up. Pinning them both with a blue-eyed glare that meant serious trouble.
Both their ears came down plastering to their heads in worry as Blair stood up and quietly walked toward them.