Author: Angelee
Title: Christmas
Date:
Fandom: The Sentinel
Rating: Adult
Challenge: Your character hasn’t seen each other for many years and when they meet on a holiday celebration sparks of various kinds-fly.
Disclaimer: Not mine
Feedback address: angelee79912@yahoo.com
Advertisement: Part of the SAC-2005 found at http://www.corgi.slashcity.net/SAC-05.htm
Beta: My sister Anna. All remaining errors are mine-with apologies.
Christmas
“Shit.”
Blair used took a puff from his inhaler trying to stave off an asthma attack. Something he’d been plagued with since Alex Barnes had tired to kill him. He didn’t really want to be here, but he’d promised Simon and since the Captain had gone to all the trouble of tracking him down. What could it hurt? He hadn’t had time to say bye to his friends at Major Crimes so he figured he could do it now. Make it a clean break and Simon had promised Jim wasn’t going to be here.
Blair really didn’t want to see his ex-Sentinel. He had no reason to see him. Jim had proven to him exactly where Blair fit into his life. Which was no where. Blair sighed softly. It was to bad. He’d love Jim at one time, but he got over that pretty quick, when he’d seen Jim kissing Alex on the beach not long after she’d killed Blair.
Once that whole fiasco had finished, Blair boarded the plane back to Cascade. Sitting as far away from Jim as he could. Once the plane had landed he’d taken off. Not wanting to see or talk to anyone.
Simon had caught up with him a year later. Practically forcing him back for a Christmas party and to let the rest of the gang know he was alive and well.
Blair took a deep breath and opened the door to Major Crimes, to be hit by blaring Christmas music and a lot of holiday cheer.
When they noticed him all his friends came up to him. Well-the ones that were here anyway.
Rafe took Blair into a tight hug. “Blair, it’s great to see you, buddy. Where have you been?”
“Up at Pinecrest. I’ve got a teaching job up there. It’s great.” Blair didn’t bother to mention that it was also freaking lonely.
Joel came up next, pushing Rafe out of the way. “Move it. I want to say ‘hi’ to Blair too. Taggart shook Blair’s hand heartily. “I’m happy you made it to the party.”
“Well, I could hardly tell Simon no. Especially when he bellows.”
Joel chuckled. “True. That bellow can move mountains.”
“Sure can. Where is everyone?” Blair asked, looked around the very familiar territory. Megan was missing as well as H and Simon.
Out on stakeout. They should be back soon. Simon went to get Daryl.”
“Cool. But I can’t stay long. I’ve got to get back before the roads ice over.”
Joel looked at Blair, eyes darkening in understanding. “You want to leave before Jim gets back don’t
you? Simon told me about everything that
happened in
“Am I that obvious?”
Joel nodded. “Fraid so. Aren’t you even going to ask how he is?”
“No.”
“Blair, you were his partner for three years.”
“And that didn’t mean shit,” Blair told him sharply. “I’m sorry man, but that was a long time ago and lots of water under the bridge or rather in my lungs,” he added at the look on Taggart’s face.
“Do you have any lasting effects from the fountain?”
“Lots. I don’t wanna talk about it. It’s to painful.”
Taggart touched Blair’s arm gently. “I understand, but sometime it helps to talk.”
“Not this time. Look Joel, tell everyone ‘hi’ for me. I better get going. I don’t think it was a good idea coming here.”
“Alright,” Joel said sadly, not trying to stop the curly-headed man from leaving.
Blair almost made it to his car when…
“Leaving without even saying “Hello”.
Blair froze. “I haven’t got anything to say to you,” he said, without turning around.
“You ran. Why?” Jim asked softly, dangerously as he separated himself from the shadows lining the police station.
“I think you said it all on the beach with Alex. Message received loud and clear. If you’ll excuse me I have to get back before…”
“The roads ice over. Yeah, I heard. What about me, Blair?”
Blair turned to look at Jim for the first time in a year. Feeling his heart breaking all over again when he got a look at Jim’s face. “What the fuck about you?” he hissed.
“You were my Guide. Doesn’t that mean anything to you?”
“It meant the world to me. The whole fucking world,” Blair’s voice hitched. “B…but it obviously didn’t mean shit to you.”
Jim came toward Blair. Frowning deeply when the curly-haired man backed away from him. “You aren’t afraid of me are you, Blair?”
“W…why would I be afraid of you?”
“Oh, I don’t know, perhaps because you ran away without saying a word. You ran from me. Our friendship. Everything we had together.”
Blair stiffened when Jim got so close they were practically
sharing the same breath. “That all died
in
“Did it?”
Jim reached out a hand, Blair flinched thinking he was going to get hit. But all the Sentinel did was take a strand of his hair between his two fingers.
“Yeah, dead, buried and turned to dust,” Blair whispered.
“No, I don’t think so.”
Jim released Blair’s hair, the Sentinel sniffed his fingers delicately. “Changed shampoos. Nice, I like it.”
“I…I’m so glad.”
“Sarcasm? From you, Blair? That’s so unlike the Guide I know.”
Blair placed shaking hands against Jim’s broad shoulders and pushed. “I don’t think you even knew me. Let me through.”
“No,” the Sentinel said, stubbornly.
Jim covered Blair’s body with his. “Oh, God,” Blair whispered. “I knew coming here was a bad idea.”
“Not bad.”
Blair startled slightly when a cold nose began gently sniffing his neck. “Jim. Don’t.”
“Yes. I missed you. Very. Very. Very. Much.”
“I bet.”
“Sarcasm again?”
Blair held his hands stiffly down his sides. Not knowing if he wanted to push the Sentinel away or pull him closer. Knowing deep in his heart what he truly wanted, but no way in hell was he going for that. It hurt to much.
“Yeah, I got it down to an art form.”
“Hmm. I looked for you.”
“Did you now?”
“Yeah, but you covered your trail really well.”
Blair gave a shaky laugh. “I wasn’t your sort of Guide for three years without learning a thing or two.”
“Hmm, hiding in plain sight. Very clever.”
Jim was now sniffing his chest. “I…I thought so. I really, really need to get g…going.”
“No.”
Blair was moving restlessly against the wall. “Please, Jim. Stop it.”
Jim opened Blair’s flannel shirt, exposing him to the night air. “Still don’t like the cold?” he asked, when the curly-haired man shivered.
“N…no.”
“I’ll keep you warm.”
Blair flinched when a hand came down cupping him through his jeans, hard. “Jim!”
The Sentinel chuckled. “Shh, don’t want anyone thinking you’re getting accosted right outside the police station.”
Blair moaned. “N…no. Wouldn’t want that.”
Jim went to his knees in front of Blair, nuzzling his groin. “I…I missed you.”
“I can tell.”
Jim growled deep in his throat. “You shouldn’t have run,” he said softly, mouthing Blair through his jeans. Making him jump when his soft flesh was bitten.
“Ow! Jim!”
“Did that hurt you, Blair?”
“Yeah.”
Jim bit him again, harder. “Well, it’s nothing compared to the hurt you gave me when you ran.”
Blair placed his hands onto of Jim’s head. “There was nothing left. Try and understand.”
Jim growled again. “There was plenty left. You ran before we could work anything out,” he said, biting him again.
“Ah! Jim! I might need that part of my anatomy later.”
Jim unzipped Blair’s jeans. “Not so much later.”
The night was getting colder as the snow began falling around them heavier than before. It was a picture perfect night for Christmas Eve. Where people all over the world were bundled up inside their homes. Enjoying spending this special day with family and friends.
Blair-well Blair was outside with the snow swirling around them in a thick blanket of white. Having an angry Sentinel taking out his frustrations on a part of his flesh that hadn’t seen any action in awhile. And never having see action meant not really to maim, but to hurt.
His body wanted what Jim was doing, while his mind didn’t want anything to do with this. His heart…well, his heart was weeping bitter tears.
“Jim, stop. Please. You don’t want to be doing this.”
The Sentinel looked up. “I want to be doing exactly this.”
“You’ve got friends waiting for you upstairs. Don’t you want to see them?”
“Don’t talk to me as if I were a child,” Jim told him, angrily.
“I’m not doing that.”
“You sure as hell are.”
Jim stood pulling Blair into his arms roughly. “Do you know how much I hated you in the beginning? How much I wanted to hurt you for running?’
“Jim, I…”
Jim tangled his fingers in Blair’s curly hair and kissed him. At first kisses go it wasn’t all that bad. As kisses that contained all the misery and heartache of one lonely Sentinel, it spoke volumes.
When it broke. “I…I missed you so much damn much. Every fucking day, I missed you,” Jim told him brokenly.
Blair pulled Jim into his arms. “I’m sorry. I think we need to talk, but not here. The loft?”
Jim nodded against his shoulder. “Yeah, alright, but in a minute.”
Blair gave the Sentinel all the time he needed. Looking back across the street at the Christmas lights, holding Jim close as he cried. So much heartache, so much God-damn pain.
Blair’s heart though was beginning to thaw. He pulled Jim even closer against him. For the first time in what felt like forever Blair had hope.
***
“You shouldn’t have run?” Jim told him, sitting at the kitchen table, holding onto his coffee mug as if it were his lifeline.
“I didn’t think I had any other choice. You didn’t want me around any more.”
Jim looked up, eyes red-rimmed and incredibly sad. “I wanted you.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.”
“I was under an influence I didn’t understand. I was looking for you to help me make sense of it. But when my head cleared I looked around for you and you were gone.”
Blair sighed heavily. “Jim, you were giving me the impression you didn’t want me around. You all but took out a newspaper ad, so much as saying so.”
He watched as Jim’s eyes filled with renewed tears. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I know that…now.”
“Alex came into our lives and messed everything up. I felt like you wanted to be her Guide instead of mine.”
Blair shook his head. “Never. You are my Sentinel.”
“And then I started to feel so strange. It started after she drowned you. I didn’t want you to die. Desperate for you not to die.” The tears finally fell, one moving down Jim’s pale cheek splashing into his coffee cup. I wanted you with me. I. Didn’t. Want. You. To Die.”
Blair covered one of Jim’s violently trembling hands with his. “You brought me back. I felt it, but when we went after Alex, you kissed her. And I…” Blair couldn’t finish, feeling his eyes fill with tears.
“I shouldn’t have done it. I don’t know why I did that. I wanted you to help me understand what was happening to me. But every time I tried to get close to you-you couldn’t get away from me fast enough.”
“I thought you didn’t want me around. You kicked me out of the loft.”
“I wasn’t myself. I would never have kicked you out if I was thinking straight.”
Blair smiled tentatively. “Yeah, you were acting a little cracked.”
Jim returned the smile shakily. “A lot cracked. I need your help. I desperately wanted your help. I tried to talk to you at the airport, but you lit out of there like the place was on fire. I came here hoping you’d have come home, but you didn’t.”
“This wasn’t home any more.”
Jim sighed heavily. “I searched everywhere for you. I searched until I couldn’t see straight. Until I had Simon chasing after me to get me to stop. But I kept looking. I had to find you, but you were gone. When I realized you didn’t want me to find you it was as if my heart had been torn from my chest. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I barely existed. It’s been a year of pure hell.”
Blair wiped his face with the back of his free hand. “It hasn’t been all party hats and favors for me either. I went away thinking you hated my guts. Everything you did pointed to the fact you hated my guts.”
“I never hated your guts. I think they’re very cute guts.”
Blair chuckled softly. “Thank you. That’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever told me.”
Jim tangled their fingers together. “Blair, where do we go from here?”
“Where do you want to go?”
“I want you to stay. Let me make up for all the hurt we’ve been through. I’ve missed you so much,” Jim’s breath hitched unsteadily. “S…stay with me.”
“Jim, I…”
The Sentinel rose from his chair, going to where Blair sat, gently cupping his face. “Stay with me. O…or let me go with you.”
“Jim…”
“I need you. I can’t take being without you. It hurts too much. Please, Blair,” Saying that Jim feathered kisses all over Blair’s face. “Please, Blair. Please.”
Blair sighed softly. “Is that want you truly want?’
“Yes. Oh, God, yes.”
“Alright then.”
“Jim pulled away slightly. “You don’t sound to sure.”
“That’s because I’m not.”
“I swear I’ll do better this time.”
Blair sighed again, unhappily this time. “Don’t place all the blame squarely on your shoulders, Jim. I had a lot to do with this as well.”
“Okay. Can we start over?”
Blair looked searchingly at Jim. His Sentinel had lost a lot of weight and the strain of having to deal with everything by himself was showing clearly in the lines marring his beautiful face.
“Yes, I think we can.” Blair stroked the side of his Sentinel’s cheek. “It’s been rough for you, hasn’t it?”
“Yes,” Jim whispered, softly, closing his eyes at the gentle touch.
“It’ll get better. I swear to you it’ll get better. Here, let’s go to the couch so you can rest for awhile.”
“But…”
“Later. We’ll talk later. I think I know what you need right now to make you feel better and its not talking.”
Blair leading him to the couch laying down first, urging his Sentinel on top of him. Smiling when Jim placed his head on his chest, right over his heart.
“That’s it. You’ve missed it haven’t you?’
“Yes. The days were to quiet, the nights torture. I couldn’t hear you heartbeat no matter how hard I tried. It drove me half mad.”
“You can hear it now. Let it soothe the hurt. Shh, listen to its beatings. It beats for you. Only for you.”
Jim sighed happily, rubbing his face against Blair’s chest. He began purring contently. So much like his spirit animal it brought a smile to Blair’s face.
Jim met Blair’s blue eyes sleepily. “Does it?’
“Hmm?”
“Beat only for me?”
“Yes, it has since the moment we first met.”
“That’s good.” Jim gave his a goofy smile before laying his head back down.
Blair began stroking Jim’s head gently. “Yeah, I knew you’d like that.”
“Mine?”
“Yours.”
“Always?”
“For always.”
Jim looked up at him again. “Kinda sounds like we’re married now.”
“Put your head back down, And there’s no ‘now’ about it. We’ve been married for years and we were to stupid to realize it.”
“Hmm, to stupid to know it,” Jim replied, sleepily.
“Shh, go to sleep.”
Blair knew the minute his Sentinel had slipped into a restful sleep by how boneless he’d become. Strangely he didn’t get any heavier, just boneless. Blair rubbed his back soothingly. Knowing Jim would feel it even in his sleep. After a moment he covered them both with the afghan draped over the back of the couch.
He was the first to wake. Taking up where he’d left off the night before. Gently soothing his hurt and slightly dinged Sentinel. Knowing a lot of the damage was his fault. He’d been so hurt by Jim’s actions he did the only thing that made any sense at the time. Knowing now it had been the wrong thing to do.
“S…stop thinking so loud,” Jim told him, hoarsely. “You’re making me deaf.”
Blair chuckled. “Was I thinking to loud?”
“Yeah, practically shouting.”
“Oops, sorry about that.”
“No problem. Do you want some breakfast?”
“In a little while. I’m to comfortable to move.”
“Yeah, me too,” Jim replied, rubbing his face against Blair’s chest. “I miss this.”
“We never did this.”
“I mean your scent, doofus.”
Blair chuckled. “Well, thank you so much. We’ve been together less than a day and you’re already insulting me.”
“I love you, Blair.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“Jim looked up at him. “It is?”
Blair ran a finger down Jim’s nose. “Hmm hum. Cause I love you too.”
Jim gave him a brilliant smile. “Cool.”
“I think so.”
The Sentinel began playing with the buttons on Blair’s flannel shirt. “I’m sorry about before.”
“Hmm?”
“When I practically attacked you outside the police station.”
“Oh. That’s okay. I understand why you did it?’
Jim began to open the buttons. “Care to explain it to me?”
“You were so hurt by what I did, all you wanted to do was hurt back. You were hurting so much you couldn’t see straight.”
Jim kissed the warm skin revealed by the open buttons.” “I’m a Sentinel.”
“Yeah, surprised me too that you were so blind.”
The Sentinel delicately licked the skin of Blair’s chest. “Heh, funny. You taste good.”
“Jim?”
Jim lifted up slightly to spread the shirt wide. “I’d forgotten what a hairy monkey you are.”
“Who you calling a hairy monkey?”
Jim kissed Blair’s nose. “You. I don’t see any other hairy monkeys in here.”
Oh, okay. I’m cool with that. Jim?”
The Sentinel straddled Blair and began removing his sweater. “Hmm?”
“Answer me something, please? As truthfully as you can? Can you do that?”
Jim held the sweater in his hand, nodding his head solemnly. “Alright.” Fear clear in his blue eyes, but there was also determination, too. He wanted Blair back. ‘He could do this’, he chanted to himself. If it got him Blair, he could do this.
“Why’d you kiss Alex?”
The Sentinel frowned. “I…I don’t know.”
“Did it matter to you that she killed me.”
Blair watched Jim’s eyes fill with tears. “It bothers me a great deal.”
“Then why?’
“I don’t know. It felt like I was outside my body. Seeing what was happening and unable to stop. Feeling the horror of what I was doing, knowing I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t stop.”
“She was very beautiful”
“Yes, but she hurt my Guide. Hurt him badly, even after he’d tried to help her. I shouldn’t have wanted to get within an inch of her.”
“Could it have been because I was helping her?’
“Maybe.”
“You wanted me for yourself, but instead of coming to me with it you tried to obliterate any sense of me on her?”
“Kinda like a dog peeing on his territory to keep the other dogs away? Maybe. When I found out about you and her, I felt betrayed. You were my Guide. Mine. Not hers.”
Blair smiled ruefully. “That doesn’t explain why you kissed her, not really. But I should be grateful you didn’t pee on me.”
Jim got a thoughtful look on his face. “Could I?”
Blair stared up at Jim in shock. “What? No?” He thought about it for a moment. “Kinda kinky that, even for me. You’ll just have to settle for me telling you that I’m your Guide and I’ll be your Guide forever and ever.”
“Blair?”
“Hmm?”
“It’s not going to be enough.”
“What? Me telling you?”
Jim nodded. “Yeah. I need more.”
Blair thought about it. “What do you have in mind? No peeing on the Guide though.”
“Okay, no peeing. Can I make love to you? Make you mine?”
Blair smiled up at Jim. “That I can deal with. But can I have breakfast first? I’m starving.”
“Okay. Today is Christmas Day and all-how about we spend the day working out our problems and tonight you let me unwrap you like the best Christmas present I’ve ever had?”
Blair gave him a brilliant smile. “Sounds like a plan.”
Christmas Day passed quickly enough. Getting reacquainted with one another. Falling back into the playful banter that had been such a big part of their relationship.
Jim seemed to be feeling a lot better, too. His face now had a healthy glow and he seemed to have miraculously gained all the weight he’s lost during their estrangement.
Blair wasn’t about to question it as his Sentinel came up to him quietly and laid his head against his chest. Listening to the beatings of his heart for the third time since they’d gotten up.
They hadn’t said a word the whole time Jim had rested against him. The loft filled with the tantalizing aroma of roasting turkey, the Sentinel had bought in case he was able to get Blair to take him back. Knowing how much Blair loved the holidays.
The fourth time Jim had come to him, Blair had wrapped his arms around him and hummed an obscure tribal song to him. Gently rocking him back and forth.
The Sentinel had again not said a word, listening to the healing beatings of his Guide’s heart. The fifth time the same thing had happened, only this time Jim was purring as he rested against his Guide.
After dinner and clean up, Jim had laid out a thick blanket on the floor near the fireplace. Leading his Guide to it.
Blair met his Sentinel’s eyes, their fingers tangled together as Jim gently, lovingly pushed into him. Still looking deep into each others eyes.
Blair would move back to Cascade. Try and find a job at
Most of their problems had been worked out. They still needed to figure out what had gone so terribly wrong during the whole Alex fiasco. In time, they would. For now it didn’t really matter. They were together. That was the most important part.
Blair continued to meet Jim’s eyes as the Sentinel began to gently thrust. They had all the time in the world now. When Jim scored his prostate, Blair arched up in pleasure.
He’d never let anyone have this part of himself. Not that he hadn’t had offers. He had. Plenty. Yet he was waiting. Knowing now he’d been waiting for the time when his Sentinel was ready for him.
Jim raised their hands over Blair’s head as he began to move strongly into him. Lowering his body till there wasn’t an inch of Blair that wasn’t covered.
“M…more, Jim. Please more.”
Jim smiled down at him, continuing to move slowly as if he had all the time in the world. What would you like?”
“A kiss.”
Jim’s smile widened. “A kiss? Is that all?”
“Well, a kiss would be good to start with and then if you could make me come that would be even better.”
“Oh?”
“Huh-huh,” Blair replied, moving sensually under his Sentinel.
“What will I get if I give you what you want?”
“My sincere gratitude and my undying love.’
Jim pouted. “In that order?” he asked, thrusting harder into the willing body of his Guide.
“Which ever order you want. Oh, God-that feels do so good.”
“I think I want undying love first,” Jim replied, seeking Blair’s mouth for a gently kiss.
Blair gave it willingly. “Oh, I think I can manage that no problem.”