Title: For Me
Fandom: The Sentinel/Stargate Atlantis
Summary: Is it ever too late for a Guide and a Sentinel bond?
Note 2: Takes place in the Littlest Guide world. Some knowledge of it might come in handy, but isn’t necessary.
“My life sucks a big one. How could someone as smart as me have a life that sucks so totally and completely?”
Rodney sighed unhappily. “No Guide for me. Why? Because they take one look at me and run the other way. Even if they are drawn to me. Don’t understand why they’d refuse me. I’m smart. Really smart. Smarter than Samantha. Don’t care what O’Neill says. He’s only a stupid General. I’m fucking smarter than Sam.”
He plopped down the nearest chair. Not even noticing the beautiful view from the many windows that lined Atlantis.
“Almost didn’t make it to Atlantis ‘cause of my being a Sentinel with no Guide. If it hadn’t been for Beckett coming up with some pills to keep me from zoning as we crossed through the Stargate I’d be so much Sentinel toast.”
“I should be loving this. Not many people make to Atlantis. Daniel Jackson didn’t get to come. And he wanted to worst than me.”
He lifted sad blue eyes, finally looking out the windows, but not really seeing the breathtaking view of the ocean.
“I want a Guide of my own. My very own Guide. Just for me.” He sighed, if possible more unhappily than the first. He leaned his head back against the chair. Closing his tear-filled eyes. Breathing deep, once, twice, three times.
Suddenly his eyes popped open.
“What the fuck?”
He looked around wildly. “That smells really good. What the fuck is that? Can’t be blue jello. Smells way better than blue jello.”
He wiped at his eyes hurriedly as he went in search of the enticing aroma his nose was sniffing appreciatively.
He found it in the Gate room scattered in with the new recruits that’d just gated in. Rodney went up to it and buried his face in its neck, sniffing happily.
“What the fuck?” A startled voice exclaimed. But the person it belonged to didn’t try to push him away. Rather strong arms pulled him closer.
After a long moment of ecstatic sniffing Rodney looked up. “Hi,” he said shyly.
Gentle hands cupped his face. “Hello. Mind telling me what you’re doing?”
Green eyes crinkled at the edge. “Might I ask why?”
Rodney shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t know. You just smell really good. Followed it three levels.”
“Did you now?”
Rodney nodded carefully. Unwilling to lose the hands. “Yup. Can I sniff you some more?”
“Hmm, not right now. People might talk. I’m John Sheppard by the way.”
Rodney strained against the hands. “I’m Rodney McKay. Let me sniff you, please,” he just about begged. “Just for a second more and I’ll go.”
John frowned slightly, but nodded. Allowing it for reasons he wasn’t quite sure. Just knowing he had to. He wondered if he was turning gay all of a sudden as he pulled Rodney to him tightly. He looked around the Gate room daring anyone to comment.
“John?” Dr. Beckett asked quietly as he watched Rodney bury his nose deeper into the Colonel’s neck. John began running a soothing hands up and down Rodney’s back.
“Were you ever tested as a Guide?”
“Guide for what?”
“A Sentinel, laddie?”
“Nope. Spent most of my babyhood overseas where they don’t do that. By the time we came back to the States my Dad said I was too old.”
John frowned at him. “Why?”
“Because of the man trying to burrow into your neck like a prairie dog.”
“Don’t ye think that’s a bit odd?”
John shrugged. “No, not really.”
“Hmm? What does that mean?”
“Rodney’s a Sentinel.”
John was listening to the contented purring coming from the man in his arms. “Yeah?” Feeling oddly pleased by it. The purring, not so much the Sentinel part.
“I think you should get tested.”
“Well, to see if you are a Guide, you daft man.”
“Don’t wanna get tested. Rodney probably just likes my cologne. Besides I’m too old to get tested. And I don’t really want a Sentinel.” Rodney made a distressed noise. “Shh, no offense. But I don’t need the complications.”
Rodney pulled away slightly. “I’m a complication?” he asked, hurt.
John smiled at him, reaching out a finger he ran it down Rodney’s nose. Tweaking the end of it, affectionately. “Squished your nose against my neck.” Wanting to sooth the man for reasons he wasn’t quite sure of. They’d after all just met. “You’re cool, man. Truly. But I don’t want a Sentinel, right now.”
“I’m not a puppy you can either decide to adopt or not.”
John smiled at him. “I know,” he replied, running a gently, soothing hand through Rodney’s sparse, yet very soft hair. “I know, sweetie.”
“I’m too ugly, huh?” Rodney asked, the sweetie comment going completely over his head. “You don’t want me cause I’m a Quasimodo in the looks department? I’m smart. Really, really smart. That should make up for being ugly.”
John frowned. “Stop that right now. You’re not ugly. Don’t say stuff like that.”
“Then why don’t you want me?” Rodney asked forlornly.
“It’s not you. For starters I’m not gay and second I’m not a Guide.”
John watched in alarm as Rodney’s eyes filled with tears. Making them glimmer a beautiful shade of blue and spike the long, really long eyelashes. “You hate me,” Rodney told him heartbrokenly. “I’m doomed. I’ll die without you.”
John reached out an unsteady hand. Not liking a sad Rodney. “You won’t die,” he replied, placing it on his cheek.
Rodney sighed unhappily, but moved his face into the so very gentle touch of the Guide who didn’t want him. “I will, without you, I will die.”
“No you won’t…”
Before John could say anything else Dr. Beckett broke in. “He will, Colonel. Rodney may be the worst hypochondriac on Atlantis. Always coming to me with tales of sensory spikes and zones. In this he tells the truth. If you are his Guide and he has started to bond with you if you refuse him he will die.”
John gave a shaky breath. “Crap.”
“Yes,” Dr Beckett agreed softy.
“Are you going to let me die?” Rodney asked miserably. “One of the greatest minds in two galaxies. Never to fully discover his potential because he had the shitty luck of being born a Sentinel and no Guide within two galaxies wants him.”
John rolled his eyes. “God, you’re so melodramatic.”
Rodney gave him a timid smile. “Maybe just a little. Give me a chance. I’ll grow on you,” he begged softly. Truly I will. I’ve always wanted a Guide,” he added wistfully. “Since I came on line.”
“What?” John asked puzzled.
“That’s when a Sentinel becomes active,” Dr. Beckett answered for Rodney. Who was once again sniffing at John’s neck.
“What does that mean?”
“Their senses-all of them become ultra sensitive to the slightest stimuli.”
“Bet that can hurt,” John said, pulling Rodney to him. Smiling when the Sentinel went with a happy sigh.
“It can. Rodney, here-almost didn’t make it to Atlantis. I came up with a pill that would keep his senses dulled so he could cross the Stargate. He has to take it every day if he want to gate travel.”
“That sounds worse than coming on line?”
Dr Beckett sighed. “Aye. Rodney hasn’t had it easy. Because he hasn’t been able to find a Guide he’s had to have his senses dulled through shots, pills and therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. A Sentinel without a Sentinel’s considerable abilities. Making for a very, unhappy Rodney McKay.”
John shivered when Rodney’s nose nuzzled deeper. It felt good in a really weird sort of way. “I bet.”
“He’s the smartest man I’ve ever met even with the drugs. If we were able to find him a Guide who knows what being free of the drugs would do for him?”
“Rodney’s been able to function with the drugs. Still one of the smartest people in two galaxies according to him.” Dr Beckett gave a small smile. “Without them and with a willing Guide by his side. There won’t be any stopping him.” John chuckled softly. “What?” The Doctor asked softly.
“He’s purring. It feels funny.”
“Do you know anything at all about the Sentinel/Guide relationship, John?” Elizabeth Weir asked. Speaking for the first time.
“Not really. Never had much time or inclination to find anything out about it. I do know one thing for sure though.” John smiled at her. “Rodney here is one very contented Sentinel right now,” he replied, running his hand over the Sentinel’s thin back. He frowned at Dr. Beckett. “He seems thin. Does he seem thin to you?”
“Aye,” Dr Beckett agreed. “He is. He’s had a wee bit of trouble adjusting to the new drugs. He’s also hyperglycemic. He needs to eat something every few hours to keep his blood sugar up. But because of the new drugs he hasn’t really been able to keep anything down.”
“Shit,” John replied, pulling Rodney closer against him protectively.
“What?” John asked distractedly as he whispered soft words of encouragement to Rodney.
“I’m no expert, but I think you may be bonding.”
“How can you tell?”
Dr Beckett smiled at him. “What are you feeling right now?”
“Happy. Content. Wanting to get Rodney something to eat. Wanna hear him purr some more.” John’s green eyes widened in surprise. “Holy shit. Is that what it feels like to bond a Sentinel?”
Dr Beckett smiled.
“From what I’ve read, I think so. I’ll have to contact Dr. Simon Banks back on
earth to make sure. He heads the
John gently tugged at Rodney until the Sentinel moved away from his neck. Looking into his deeply dazed blue eyes. “Rodney, sweetheart-wanna get something to eat? You’re way to skinny and I can hear your tummy rumbling.”
Rodney blinked at him in confusion. “Huh?”
“Hmm, okay. Can I sniff you some more first? You smell really good.”
John frowned, not liking how heavily Rodney’s eyes were dilated. The blue almost gone. “Are you high?”
Rodney returned it goofily. “Yeah. On you.”
“Oh dear?” Dr Beckett exclaimed worriedly.
John held the unsteady Sentinel up. “What?” he asked in alarm.
“We have no idea how Rodney’s going to react to your pheromones and the drugs he was on to keep him stable. Damn.”
“The scent that draws a Sentinel to a Guide. What made Rodney seek you out from three levels above.”
“Why he keeps sniffing my neck?”
Beckett nodded. “Aye. That’s where the scent is concentrated the most.”
Rodney turned toward the Doctor. “
“I don’t feel so good.”
With that Rodney fainted, caught and held close in the strong arms of John Sheppard. “Doc?” The Colonel asked sharply as he carefully lowered the unconscious Sentinel to the ground.
Beckett quickly called for a gurney. “We need to get a hold of Simon Banks see what to do for Rodney.”
John ran an unsteady hand over the Sentinel’s sweat-soaked hair. “Damn. I don’t need this right now. Truly I don’t.”
“John?” Beckett asked, that one word loaded with questions only the green eyed man could answer.
Sheppard looked at him. “I’m not about to let him die. If it’s a Guide he wants then it’s a Guide he gets. And I’m going to be the best fucking Guide you ever saw.”
Beckett smiled. “Good,” he sighed in relief. “Good. Follow Rodney to the infirmary. I’ll be there in a second. I need to set up communications with earth.”
Sheppard nodded sharply following the orderlies out of the Gate room. Holding on to Rodney’s hand.
“What now, Dr Beckett?”
“We need to get a hold of Dr. Banks as quickly as possible.”
The Doctor turned to look at one of the many Marines still waiting quietly in the Gate room. Captivated by what had just occurred.
The Marine nodded. “Yes, Sir.”
“What is your question. laddie? I need to get to the infirmary.”
“Does Atlantis have a Sentinel/Guide pairing now? Rodney’s a Sentinel?”
The Major smiled. “Cool.”
“Aye. But there is still much that could go wrong. Rodney is bonding way past the time that Sentinels bond to their Guides. It’s never been done with someone his age.”
The smile vanished. “He could die?”
“Aye.” Beckett sighed heavily. “But we’ll try and see to it that it doesn’t happen.”
“I always wanted to be a Guide.”
Beckett tilted his head as he contemplated the quiet Marine. “You did?”
“Yeah, but I didn’t have a high enough pheromone level. Didn’t even register on the test,” Lorne said, unable to hide the disappointment from his voice. “Forget even being a Sentinel. That was so remote, couldn’t even dream about it.”
“They are very, very rare. Highly prized.”
Lorne looked down the hallway Rodney and John had disappeared to. “I hope they make it. Rodney may be a pain in the buns most times. No forget most times, all the time. He’s a Sentinel,” he said with awe. “A fucking Sentinel. The stuff of legends.”
“Will you let us know how it goes? We don’t wanna get in the way or anything. It’s just that…”
“Good. Good. I’ll take it in the infirmary. John needs to here this too.” He turned to Lorne. “I’ll let you know.”
The Major nodded. “Thanks, Doc.”
“How is he?”
“Damn. And his Guide?”
Simon nodded. “Good. Good. Stop all the drugs. And I mean all of them.”
“Yes. He won’t be needing them. His Guide will stabilize him better than any drugs ever could.”
“Let me talk to his Guide.”
John left the bed where the unconscious Sentinel lay, reluctantly. He looked into the eyes of the man scowling at him fiercely. The scowl kinda scared him. “Colonel John Sheppard, at your service.”
If anything the scowl deepened. “Right. Do you know what to do?”
“You’re a Guide, aren’t you? Do you know what to do?”
“I…Huh. No, not really.”
“Shit. Rodney is so dead.”
John gave a sharp hiss. “Is not.”
“Then what are you going to do to keep your Sentinel alive? If you are a true honest to God Guide that is.”
“Go inside of yourself. Think, man. Think. What. Are. You. Going. To. Do?
John closed his eyes. Both Carson and Banks watched quietly as the man who’d had a treasured Sentinel unexpected entrusted to his care try and figure out how to do so without killing him. When John opened his eyes he gave a small sound of wonder.
Simon smiled at him. “Got it?”
John nodded. “Oh, yeah. Instinctive.”
“Yes it is. Only true Guides have it. What are you going to do now?”
“Get my Sentinel something to eat. Then let him hear my heartbeat, so it stabilizing him.”
Simon’s voice stopped him before he could head out of the infirmary. “Sheppard?”
John turned to him impatiently. “Yeah?”
“Do you know about the bonding scent versus the stabilizing scent?”
You can stabilize your Sentinel by letting him smell the pheromones concentrated in your neck. That will keep him from zoning. Now that his senses are fully on line it could cause him to zone. You need to be very careful about not letting him focus on one sense to long. He could zone on the sound of a pen dropping, a fleck of dust on the table. Anything and everything. You’re especially going to have to be extra careful with Rodney. That man is curiosity personified.”
John ran an unsteady hand over his already unruly hair. “Oh, man.”
“It may seem overwhelming at the moment, that’s only because you are so new to it. But you must be made aware that Rodney will be a high maintenance Sentinel. Higher than any I’ve ever know.”
John gave him a shaky smile. “Trying to discourage me?”
“Not on your life. I’d sell my soul to the devil to be where you are right now. I’ve studied Sentinels and Guides my whole life. The relationship between a Sentinel and Guide is special. Very, very special. There’s nothing like it anywhere.”
“That could put a crimp on my sex life,” John joked softly. At the look on Dr Banks face. “What?” John asked uneasily.
“Rodney is it for you. There will be no one else-ever. For either of you. The bond won’t allow it.”
“I…I’m not gay.”
Simon rolled his eyes. “It’s not about stereotypes, John. It’s a matter of survival.”
“Are you saying Rodney could die if I had sex with anyone other than him?”
“No, he won’t die. You just won’t be able to hmmm-perform with anyone other than him.”
“Where does the matter of survival come in?”
“The bonding scent.”
“The bonding scent will make sure that Rodney wants no one but you?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” John asked impatiently. For some odd reason not like the fact that Rodney might want someone else.
“Rodney is already bonding to you. When you’re ready you’ll release the bonding scent that will make him truly yours. Until you do…”
“There’s a chance he could want another Guide.”
“That is a possibility, but highly unlikely.”
“You’re talking in riddles and that doesn’t explain the survival comment,” John replied, his green eyes flashing angrily.
Simon sighed. “Listen to me John and listen good. You are about to enter a relationship like no other you’ve had before or ever will again. You don’t have the time to screw around with anyone else. It’ll take time and attention from your Sentinel. If you’re not tuned in to him because your mind is occupied elsewhere it could cost him his life.”
John paled. “I thought you said it wouldn’t kill him.”
“I may have worded it wrong. Your Sentinel will require all of your attention. There will be room for no one else. It is a commitment you must make now, before we go any further. We can still stabilize Rodney now and he can come back to Earth and I will try and find him another Guide. If you can’t handle it. What is it to be John Sheppard?”
John turned to look at the man so pale and still on the bed. When he walked through the Gate he expected his life to change being as he was going to be on Atlantis. But this?
He walked over to the bed and looked at Rodney. The Sentinel hadn’t moved since being wheeled in. With a hand that still shook, he gently caressed the side of a thin cheek. Feeling if Rodney left for Earth without him his heart would break. Leaving a big empty hole in its place.
If Rodney chose another Guide it would devastate him. How could someone he’d just met so suddenly and completely become his everything? It was inconceivable.
But Rodney had. There was no denying that.
He turned to face the two Doctors. One here in the room. The other might as well have been.
“He’s mine. I’m not letting anyone else have him-ever.”
Both Doctors sighed in relieve. “Then you know what you have to do,” Simon told him quietly.
John nodded and with a final caress to Rodney’s pale cheek he left the room in search of food for his Sentinel.
“For a minute I wasn’t quite sure what John would decide,”
“Aye, neither did I. What a relief.” Simon chuckled softly. “What?”
“John has no idea what he’s in for.”
“What do you mean?”
Simon nibbled on the edge of his cigar. “Sentinel’s are needy little suckers as it is. Now throw Rodney in the mix…”
“You think Rodney will be that bad.”
Simon thought about it for a moment. “At first maybe. But it should stabilize once he’s secure
about having a Guide.” He smiled at
A small moan cut short their laughter.
When Rodney’s eyes open they were so full of anguish it just
“He hates me, doesn’t he?
He doesn’t want to be saddled with a Sentinel like me,” Rodney replied
so lost in his sorrow he didn’t even hear
“No. Stop talking such nonsense. No talking of killing. He only went to the cafeteria to get you something to eat.”
“Does he really want to be my Guide?”
That one world held such wonder and joy it brought tears to
He blinked them away. “Aye.”
“How are you feeling?”
Rodney sat up unsteadily. He looked over to the view screen. “Simon?”
“Dr Bank’s to you.”
Rodney gave him a small smile. “I’m fine, Simon. You?”
“Better. Now that you’re awake.”
“How are the computers working?”
Simon frowned at him. “Didn’t I tell you not to touch them? I swear I told you not to touch them.”
“They run better don’t they?”
“Well, yeah, but I told you not to touch them. Sentinels never listen.”
Rodney’s smile grew brilliant. “I got me a Guide. My very own honest to God-Guide. After all this time. A Guide.”
“I heard. Congratulations.”
“My own Guide.”
Simon chuckled at the wonder in Rodney’s voice. “Take good care of him.”
“I will. How are Jim and Blair doing?”
“There doing as well as can be expected.”
Rodney frowned. “What does that mean? Are they alright?”
“Yes. Having a bit of trouble with Blair’s mother. That’s all.”
“Ah. Well Blair is still really little.”
Simon lit his cigar. “Yeah. And he’s a Guide who has set his sights on a Sentinel and nothing in heaven or hell is going to keep him from him.”
Rodney chuckled softly. “Knows what he want is all, even at his tender age.”
“He certainly does. You feeling better.”
Simon studied him critically. “Sure?”
“I now not only have the youngest Sentinel/Guide pairing in history. I have the oldest as well to look after. Just my luck.”
“I’m not that old,” Rodney replied offended.
“You know what I mean.”
“As soon as I can arrange it I’ll come to Atlantis. See first-hand how you’re doing?”
Rodney ran his hands over his hair. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Yes, I do.”
Rodney sighed. “Alright. I’m not going to argue. I know how protective you are of your Sentinels and Guides. Simon?”
“Bring me some candy?” Rodney asked, giving the Doctor the best puppy dog eyes he could.
Simon shook his head, smiling at him. “Spoiled much?”
“Not yet. But if you bring me some candy it would be a start.”
“Alright. The usual?”
“You got it, buddy. Take care.”
“I will.” Simon gave him his fiercest scowl. “I will,” Rodney insisted softly. “I promise.”
“Alright. If you need anything and I mean anything give me a call. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
“Thank you, Simon.”
“I would do no less for any of my Sentinel and Guides. See you soon.” With that the screen went blank.
Rodney rubbed his eyes.
“Are you alright, laddie?”
“Tired. So tired.”
Just then John walked through the door with a tray topped to the brim with food. Maybe you’ll feel better once you’ve eaten.”
Rodney looked at the food, paling considerably. “Not hungry.”
John placed the food on a nearby table. “You’ve got to eat.”
“No I don’t.”
John frowned at him for a second before climbing onto the bed. “Come here,” he told the Sentinel, motioning to him.
Rodney went willingly. Placing his head against John’s chest. Listening to the steadying beat of his heart. “Not hungry. Really,” he said softly.
John rubbed his back. “For me. Just a little. I brought you some blue jello. Guy in the cafeteria said you loved the stuff. Gave me extra and everything. You don’t wanna disappoint him do you?”
Rodney reached for the buttons on John’s uniform. Looking up at him to see if it would be allowed. When John didn’t complain, yell or toss him off the bed, Rodney began unbuttoning it. Pushing it wide open he laid he head on the same spot only now on soft skin instead of cotton material. Much better.
He sighed softly. “Nice.”
“Are you really my Guide?” Rodney asked shyly.
John smiled down into the blue eyes looking at him so hopefully. “If you’ll have me.”
“Yes, please. My very own Guide,” Rodney sighed happily. “Something I thought would never get. I thought it was going to be an unattainable dream.”
John stroked Rodney hair gently. “Not a dream.”
“This feels so good.”
“Yeah, it does.”
“Yeah.” John looked over at
Rodney looked up at him. “I think I can eat a little bit of Jello now.”
John reached over pulling the small container and a spoon off the tray. “Scoot up a little,” he said, sitting up. Keeping Rodney in his protective embrace. “Right there. That’s good.” He offered him a small potion of jello. Smiling when Rodney took it, gingerly into his mouth, but he took it. “Good?”
“Yeah. I think so. Another?”
John smiled at him. “You bet, Sweetheart.”
Rodney frowned at him as he took the larger spoonful of Jello. When he was able. “Did you just call me sweetheart?”
“Yeah, got a problem with it?”
Rodney thought about it for a second. “Not really. I was just wondering. More?”
John fed his Sentinel the whole container slowly until it was all gone. “Want more?”
Rodney shook his head. “No. I want to sleep for a bit. Stay with me?” His blue eyes unsure and fearful.
John wrapped his arms around his Sentinel. “I’m your Guide. There’s no place I’d rather be.”
Rodney gave him the sweetest smile he’d ever seen before laying his head back down on John’s chest and sighed happily. After a moment he looked up from his spot. “You’re scenting me,” he said in wonder.
“Yeah. Smells like vanilla. Nice.”
John ran his finger down Rodney’s nose. “Cool. Sleep now.”
John smiled down at him. “Just doing my Guide job. Close those beautiful blue eyes of yours now and sleep. We’ll try some more Jello when you wake up.”
“You think I have beautiful blue eyes?”
“Yeah, when they’re not filled with tears. Don’t like that to much.”
John sighed. “Yeah, Rodney?”
“I like your eyes too. They’re a pretty green. When you’re not scowling, like right now. Then they’re light hazel.”
“Want them to go back to green?”
John gently coaxed until the Sentinel’s head back down. “Go to sleep. I wanna hear you purring or I’m going to be royally pissed.”
“Closing my eyes.”
John ran his hands up and down Rodney’s thin back. Feeling as well as sensing when the Sentinel had fallen into a deep sleep. Rodney was quietly purring. John wasn’t sure if he even knew he was doing it.
“Yeah. He’s so thin.”
“Poor wee lad’s been through so much.”
“Do you think things’ll get better for him now?” John asked, gently kissing the top of his Sentinel’s head.