Title: I Walk Alone

Author: Angelee

Fandom: Highlander

Pairing: Methos /Duncan McLeod

Rating: Adult

Summary: Being old doesn’t necessarily mean being happy. Especially when all you want is someone to love and cuddle with.

Beta: By my sister Anna. With thanks. All final errors are mine.

I Walk Alone

I’m alone again. Seems to be the story of my life. My very, very long life. I hate my life sometimes.

I did what I thought was best for all concerned and yet it didn’t seem to be enough. Why is that?

He hates me. Truly he does. I wasn’t all that sure he liked me to begin with. At times I thought he was only tolerating me because I’m the world’s oldest immortal. For the novelty effect and all.

Yup, that’s what I was-a novelty. Now-I’m not even that.

He hates me.

After thousands of years mostly walking the earth alone, I thought I’d finally found someplace to call home.

I guess not.

I thought I had friends.

I guess not.

I thought I finally had people who believed in me.

I guess not.

My life sucks.

And he hates me.

My life truly sucks.

Because that’s what hurts the most. That he hates me. I don’t want his hate.

I thought I was getting somewhere with him. I was even thinking of asking him if, hmm- maybe, perhaps he’d would have sex with me.

Yeah, I know. The world’s oldest immortal. Shy. But there you have it. I’m shy.

But have you had a look at him? He’s gorgeous. He’s smart. He’s moral. That part really bugs me at times. Morals can limit be so limiting.

The possibilities of what you can do. How you act. Very, very limiting. That’s why I gave them up long ago. And no, I won’t tell you when. Not for the reasons you would think, but for the sheer fact I can not for the life of me remember.

Yes, I am that old. I thought I established that.

My life sucks.

We established that as well.

That’s why I know sit in this park. All alone. Feeding the pigeons fluttering around me. Fighting back the tears that threaten to break free at any moment.

Maybe I shouldn’t fight them. I’ve earned them.

I knew better than to get involved. I’d been on my own for so long. I should have known better. I really should have. But I didn’t. Wanna know why? Of course you do?

Because I’m stupid. That’s why.

I’m the world’s stupidest, oldest immortal. Very stupid indeed.

But he walked into my home that fateful day and my old, jaded heart was his. Sad isn’t it? Pathetic, too.

I’ll admit it, if I must.

I love him.

Yes, with all my jaded heart.

But what does it get me?

A big, old bag of nothing.

He hated me.

I did what I thought was best. Yes, I was guided by fear. Who wouldn’t be. Kronos can be mean. And really, really nasty.

Oooh, the stories I could tell you. Maybe another day.

There’s a chance you wouldn’t believe me either.

He didn’t.

I thought he was my friend. I even sort of thought, he liked me.

Guess I was wrong.

Sad that.

Pathetic, really.

I’m tired of being alone.

Truly I am.

I want what everyone else in the world wants. To be loved. To have someone to cuddle with late into the night.

Hey, I may be old, but there’s a lot to be said for a good cuddle.

Cures many of the world’s, evil it does. Or at the very least keeps them at bay for a short while. A good long while depending on the cuddle.

I like cuddling.

He looks like he’s a good cuddler.

Damn, and me liking to cuddle.

Did I mention I like to cuddle?

He hates me.

He really, really hates me.

He tolerated a lot from me, but I may have pushed him to far this time.

Told me we were through.

It felt like he was going to hit me, too.

I’m old.

Did I mention I was old?

To old to be wandering the world all by myself.

Did that. Bought the shirt. Didn’t like it.

I don’t want to walk alone any more. I want someone to walk with.

Not be alone any more. I’m lonely.

I want a home. Someone to come home to every day. Who’ll smile at me as I walk through the door. Someone who’ll cuddle with me.

Did I mention I like to cuddle?

He won’t ever do that with me now.

He hates me.

Damn, and me liking to cuddle.

Did I mention how much I like to cuddle?

Yes, I guess I did.

Damn.