Title: You’re Alive
Author: Angelee
Fandom: Nip/Tuck
Pairing: Christian/Quentin
Rating: Adult
Beta: By my sister Anna. Any and all remaining errors are mine-with apologies.
Note 1: Quirk alert. Now- I didn’t make up the quirk, it was already in the series. I’m just using it. But there is a serious quirk alert in place here. DO NOT READ IF OFFENDED BY SUCH. You have been warned.
Note 2: I’ve been watching this season of Nip/Tuck. I’m not real sure what to make of the show, but I fell in love with Quentin. Okay, that was before I found out he was the Carver. But there’s just something about him…
You’re Alive
“What’s wrong?”
Christian came up to the young boy crying on the gurney. He sat next to him, carefully cradling his broken arm.
“N…nothing.”
Christian moved closer, smiling to himself when the boy didn’t move away. “You wouldn’t be crying if it were nothing,” he replied softly.
Eyes looked up at him so filled with tears it just about broke Christian’s heart. “I need another operation. I’ve had so many and they hurt so much I’d rather die.”
Christian reached over with his good hand and carefully wiped the boy’s face. “No. Don’t ever say that. You’re alive and that’s good.”
The boy’s voice hitched. “I…it’s just that it hurt’s s…so m…much.”
“What are they going to do to you?”
The boy looked away, his pale face flushing. “I…I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Fair enough. Wanna tell me your name?”
“Quentin Costa.”
Christian smiled at him. “Hello, Quentin Costa. It’s really nice to meet you.”
“R…really?”
“Surely. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. I’d really like it if you’d stop crying though so we can get to know each other and become friends.”
Quentin hurriedly wiped his face. “A…all right. I’ve never had a friend before. What’s your name?
“Christian Troy.”
Quentin smiled up at him. That smile reached Quentin’s beautiful blue eyes making the sadness in them lift just a little and enchanting the boy sitting next to him.
“I’m happy to meet you, Christian. What happened to your arm?” he asked curiously.
“I fell wrong playing football.”
“Oh,” Quentin replied, gently touching the slightly moist cast.
“Hey, you wanna sign it?”
Quentin gave him a huge smile. “Can I?”
“Sure. Let me see if I’ve got a pen.” Christian searched through his jacket. “Here we go. You can be the first to sign. So Quentin how old are you?”
Quentin wrote his name. “Seventeen. You?”
“Eighteen.” Christian looked around the busy hallway. “Where are your parents? You’re not here all alone are you?”
“I live in an orphanage. The nun who brought me had to leave. I have to stay here again,” It was said with such sadness it broke Christian’s heart all over again.
“I’ll stay with you if you like,” Christian replied, without even thinking about what he was offering or how long it would take to keep his promise.
Hopeful blue eyes looked up at him. “Really?”
Christian tucked a stray lock of dark brown hair behind Quentin’s ear. There was just something about this boy. Sadness and such utter despair shone out those blue eyes. Christian could help but be touched by it. “Sure. I’m free.”
Quentin gave him a brilliant smile, suddenly the smile vanished. “But won’t your parents be looking for you?”
“Na. They’re off on vacation. Won’t be back till next month sometime IF they decide to come back.”
“Oh. Then who brought you here?”
“My friend Sean. He was the reason I’m here. Little shit tripped me.”
“Where is he?”
Christian rolled his eyes. “Had a date.”
“And he left you here all by yourself?” Quentin replied outraged.
“Yup. Full of concern for my welfare is Sean. Especially when he has a date with Julia.”
“If you were my friend I wouldn’t leave you here all by yourself,” Quentin told him shyly. “Especially if it was my fault you ended up here in the first place.”
A nurse came up to them. “Mr. Costa, your room is ready.”
Suddenly Quentin paled. “I…”
“Shh, come on. I’m here and I’ll help you,” Christian told him softly. “It’s going to be alright.”
Quentin let Christian help him off the gurney. “It’s never going to be alright,” he whispered back. “Never.”
By the time they got to the room he was visibly trembling. “Quentin?” Christian asked him worriedly. “Are you okay?”
Quentin shook his head. “No.” He looked up at Christian, eyes again shimmering with tears. “I’m afraid. Really, really afraid.”
Christian watched the nurse lay out a hospital gown before turning toward them. “The Doctor will be in shortly to see you Mr. Costa.” Giving them a small smile she left. Completely ignoring the fact Quentin was visibly upset.
Christian glared after her before quietly gathering him into his arms. “It’s going to be okay.”
Quentin buried his head against his shoulder. “No, it’s not. Not ever.”
Christian tightened his arms around the trembling body. “Don’t say that. It will.”
Quentin pulled away slightly. “How can you say that? You don’t even know what’s wrong with me.”
Christian cupped his face. “Tell me then.”
Quentin looked away. “I…”
“Just tell me. How bad can it be?”
“I...I’m a freak.”
Christian frowned. “What?”
“I’m a freak.”
Christian pulled away slightly looking into Quentin’s pale face. If possible his blue eyes had gotten even sadder. Skin of lightest honey framed by long dark brown hair. And a lower lip that would have had all girls wanting to nibble on it and maybe some boys-like me. Christian thought to himself. And then there was those really long eyelashes. Damn but Quentin was beautiful.
“You don’t look like a freak.”
“Believe me-I am a freak,” Quentin replied, trying to turn away.
Christian didn’t allow it, pulling him back into the tight circle of his arms careful not to hurt him with his cast. “Why? Why are you a freak?”
Quentin didn’t fight Christian. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.”
“Have you had sex?”
Christian could feel his eyes widen in surprise. “What?”
“Have you had sex? You know with a girl?” Quentin gave him a tight smile. “Or a boy if that’s the way you go.”
“Hmm, that’s a bit personal, but being as we’re friends-yeah, I have. Why?”
“With girls or boys?”
“Both.”
Quentin pulled away again, but not to far. “Wow. Really?”
“Hmm. Nothing major with the boys, just hand jobs. But with girls I’ve gone all the way.”
“Oh.”
Christian had never heard such sadness in just one little word before. “Why, Quentin? Why all the questions on my sex life?”
“I can’t.”
“Can’t what?” Christian watched Quentin pale so much he thought he was going to faint.
“Have sex,” Came the reply so softly Christian almost didn’t hear it.
He gently cupped Quentin’s face. “There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. You’re still really young. You’ve got lots of time.”
Quentin shook his head.
“No. You don’t understand.
“What? Can’t what?”
“I…”
“Just tell me. I won’t go screaming out of the room if you tell me,” Christian told him with a tiny smile.
“I don’t have… I can’t...”
Just then the door opened to reveal an elderly man wearing glasses and a tired smile. “Hello, Quentin. How are you today?”
Christian watched as Quentin paled even further. “F…fine, Dr. Morgan. You?”
The Doctor gave Quentin a smile. “Tired, but alright. Are you ready for your surgery tomorrow.”
“N…No. Not really.”
Dr Morgan touched Quentin’s arm gently. “I know you don’t want it. But it’ll make your life a lot easier. Who’s your friend?”
Christian offered his unhurt hand. Christian Troy.”
Dr. Morgan shook it, smiling hugely at him. “Hi! It’s the first time Quentin’s had anyone here for him. What happened to your arm?”
“Football accident.”
“Hmm. Quentin, change into your gown so I can examine you.”
Quentin looked at Christian in abject horror. “I’ll just go to the cafeteria for a soda. Do you want me to get you anything?” Christian asked, blinking away tears at the overwhelming look of gratitude the younger boy gave him.
“Do you think they’ve got any cherry popsicles? I haven’t had a cherry popsicle in so long,” Quentin told him wistfully. “and I really like them.”
“I’ll look.”
“Christian?”
He looked back as he made his way to the door. “Yeah?”
“You’ll be back, right?” Quentin asked him with such wistful hopefulness, it hurt to hear.
“You betcha’,” Christian replied with a reassuring smile.
***
Well, turned out the cafeteria had everything but cherry popsicles. Christian remembering that he’d seen a 7-11 about two blocks from the hospital, decided he’d go there for his soda and see if he could find Quentin his popsicle.
Walking back into the hospital room he found Quentin curled up on the bed softly crying into his pillow.
He placed the popsicle and his soda on the table near the bed. “Quentin? What is it? Did you get some bad news?”
He didn’t get an answer, even after a long wait. So he climbed on top of the bed and curled himself around Quentin. “Shh. It’s going to be alright?”
Quentin sniffed. “How can you say that? You don’t even know what’s wrong with me.”
“Tell me then.”
“I can’t.”
Why?” Christian asked softly, burying his face against Quentin’s neck. He smelled nice. Kind of outdoorsy with a hint of some sort of spice he couldn’t place.
“B…because.”
“Because why?”
“I’m ashamed,” Quentin whispered.
“Okay, then-can you show me?”
“I…”
“Show me. How bad can it be?”
Christian heard Quentin visibly gulp. “Bad. But I’ll try,” he replied, bravely.
He took one of Christian’s hands in his, leading it low over him abdomen placing it between his legs.
“What am I feeling for? OH!” Quentin tried to turn away, Christian wouldn’t allow it. “Shh, take it easy.”
“You see. I’m a freak. Let go.” Trying to pull Christian’s hand away. “I know you don’t want to be my friend now.”
“I never said that. Hold still.” Christian gently explored the body violently trembling against him. Where there should have been a penis there was smoothness and something he couldn’t quite make out. Quentin moaned softly in distress, the trembling increasing as Christian continued his exploration. “Shh, it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.” He told him, exploring lower. Cupping what felt like Quentin’s balls. “What happened?”
“P…parent’s l…loved each other more than they should of. Considering they were brother and sister,” Came the very bitter response. “I am the fucking result.”
“Oh.”
“I’m a f…freak,” Quentin told him, voice on the edge of hysteria. “A horrible, ugly, disgusting freak.”
Christian gently rolled the flesh in his hands, earning a soft moan. If from pleasure or pain he wasn’t sure. “No, you’re not.”
“I am.”
Christian gently forced Quentin onto his back. The younger boy refused to meet his eyes. “Look at me, Quentin. Come on look at me.”
Slowly those beautiful blue eyes lifted, shimmering with tears. “You hate me, don’t you? Now that you know I’m a freak?”
Christian shook his head. “No, baby. I don’t hate you.” He smiled at the disbelieving look in Quentin’s eyes. “You’re made up different than most. It certainly doesn’t make you a freak.”
“T…the doctor’s say I’ll never be able to have sex like a regular male. They went into great d…detail about it. So much s…so I could have screamed just to shut them up,” Quentin told him, trying to look away.
“No, don’t look away. Keep looking at me. There are other ways to have sex you know? It doesn’t just have to be what’s considered the traditional way.”
“Huh?”
Christian gave him a small smile. “Yeah. There other ways to show someone you love them than by shoving your anatomy into theirs.”
Quentin’s blush showed clearly through his tan. “Oh.”
“Baby?”
Quentin looked at his questioningly. “Are you calling me baby?”
Christian moved closer. “There’s no one else in the room. So yeah-I’m calling you baby.” He closed his eyes at the look of wonder on Quentin’s face.
“It’s nice,” The younger boy replied, shyly.
Christian opened his eyes. “Can I lift your gown and look at you?”
“I…”
“Please? I swear I won’t laugh or say anything stupid.”
Quentin searched Christian’s face trying to find any form of deceit. “O…okay,” he finally, reluctantly, replied.
Christian carefully lifted the pale, worn gown. “Oh!”
“I’m a freak. I told you,” Quentin told his pitifully, eyes filling with tears again.
“Shh, you’re not a freak. You’re different. Nothing wrong in being different,” Christian told him looking at the tan flesh he’d just exposed. Where there should have been a penis there was nothing but smooth flesh, the color of warm honey. Not even hair covered the groin area. Near Quentin’s balls there was a tiny hole. “This how you pee?” Christian asked him gently touching it.
Quentin startled when he felt fingers touching him with gentleness when before the touches brought nothing but never-ending pain. “Y…yes. The Doctor’s want to cut me again to make it bigger, because every time I pee it hurts.”
“Ah.” Christian continued his exploration. He turned toward the door uneasily. “Do you think anyone will come in?”
“No. No one will come in for at least six hours to check and see if I’m still alive. I really hate hospitals,” he said sullenly.
Christian met Quentin’s eyes. They were still full of fear but something else. They held hope. “You doing okay, baby?” he asked softly.
Quentin nodded. “Yeah.”
“Cool,” Christian replied, giving him a brilliant smile. The smile expanded when Quentin returned it shakily. Christian returned to his exploration. He carefully cupped the warm, soft balls again, gently rolling them. “These keep you from looking like a girl?”
Quentin arched up in pleasure. “Y…yes. Something about my body still making testosterone. At least a little. Plus they give me some really painful hormone shots. Everything they do in this fucking place hurts. Oh, but that doesn’t hurt. T…that doesn’t hurt at all.”
Christian chuckled softly as he continued to gently caress baby soft flesh. “Yeah, most guys like this.”
Quentin covered Christian’s hand with one of his, spreading his legs wide. “Oh. More?” he begged softly.
“Like it?”
Quentin nodded emphatically, throwing his long hair into his face. “Y…yes.”
“See, you can feel pleasure. You don’t need a dick.”
“Would help considering I’m suppose to be a boy,” Quentin replied bitterly.
“You’re still a boy-only different.”
“I don’t want to be different. I want to be a regular boy.”
Christian moved closer to him. “I really think there isn’t anything wrong with being different. I think you’re beautiful.”
Quentin drew his brows together. “See? You’re already thinking I’m a girl. You don’t call boys beautiful,” he said angrily.
Christian nuzzled the younger boy’s face. “No, Quentin,” he said patiently. “I think you’re beautiful in a very masculine sort of way. Don’t go reading more into my words than is really there.”
Quentin turned to toward him. Their mouths were inches from one another. He eyed Christian’s hungrily. “I…”
“Kiss me, Quentin,” Christian whispered, softly, seductively. “You can if you want. I don’t mind. I’d really like it if you did.”
Unable to refuse, the younger boy opened his mouth wide. Christian rose up to cover Quentin’s body with his own as the kiss deepened. Lowering himself onto the unresisting body.
When they pulled away, Christian stared deep into the dazed blue eyes of the younger boy. “I like you, Quentin. Very, very much.”
“I’m a freak. How can you like me?” Quentin asked, reaching up for another kiss.
Christian backed away slightly, frowning. “You’re not a freak and I’d like for you to quit calling yourself that. I don’t kiss freaks.”
“Christian why are you here with me?”
“I like you. I figured that’d be obvious.” Christian buried his fingers in Quentin’s soft hair. Finally giving him the kiss he’d been wanting.
“Hmm, I like kisses,” Quentin said, sighing happily when his lower lip was gently nibbled.
Christian pulled away slightly to nuzzled his nose. “I can tell.”
“How long can you stay with me?”
“For as long as you like,” Christian answered offering Quentin his tongue. The younger boy began sucking on it ecstatically.
“I’ve never been kissed till now. I like it a lot,” Quentin repeated when they finally, reluctantly separated.
Christian moved off Quentin slightly earning a sound of disappointment. “Shh, it’s okay. There’s lots of stuff we can do together, if you want. Right now though I want to explore your body just a little more. Is that okay?”
Quentin nodded eagerly. “Yes.” Suddenly he frowned.
“What?”
“You’re very handsome. What the hell do you want with me? I’m a freak.”
Christian had-had enough of that. He slapped Quentin. “Stop it. Say that again and I’ll beat the living crap out of you,” He told him angrily. “You’re not a freak. YOU’RE NOT.”
Quentin looked up at him in stunned disbelieve. Right cheeked reddening. “You hit me.”
“Fucking right. I’ll do it some more if I hear you call yourself a freak again. Do I make myself clear?”
“Y…yes.”
Christian bent his head to lick the abused flesh. “I’m sorry, baby. But you don’t seem to want to listen.”
“Hmm, that feels nice. Don’t hit me again, but what do you see in me?”
Christian sighed. “Damn it, Quentin.”
“I need to know,” he pleaded.
Christian sighed again. “Alright, alright. When I first saw you-you looked so sad. All I wanted to do was take you in my arms and hold you. Make whatever was hurting you go away. Then you looked up at me with those beautiful blue eyes of yours and …” he gave the avidly listening Quentin a small smile. “I was lost. I’ve never felt what I felt at that moment for anyone else. Male or female. Quentin, I think it’s just fine that you’re different. I’m okay with that. I think I could love you, if you just gave yourself a chance-gave me a chance. I think you’re beautiful just the way you are.”
Quentin’s eyes filled with tears again. “I…don’t know what to say.”
Christian gathered him into his arms. “Say, okay. You won’t regret it.”
“O…okay,” Quentin replied trustingly.
So trustingly it affected Christian deeply. “Can I touch you again?” he asked, kissing Quentin’s forehead affectionately.
“Yes, please,” Quentin agreed readily. “Christian?” he asked when the hands suddenly stopped pulling up his gown.
“I just thought of something.”
Quentin looked up. “What?”
“I don’t want to make love to you in a hospital, where there’s no privacy. Anyone could walk in at any moment. I want to take my time and love you the way you deserve to be loved.”
“Really?” Quentin asked, blue eyes widening in surprise.
Christian smiled at him. “Hell, yeah. Quentin?”
“Hmm?”
“When you get out of here will you come home with me?”
Quentin looked at Christian. “Me?” he asked in amazement.
Christian looked around the room. “I don’t see anyone else here for me to ask,” He replied, smiling.
“Wow! Yes, I’ll go home with you.”
“Great.”
Quentin moved close to the larger body next to him. Watching as Christian lowered the gown back down. “I still don’t see why you want me.”
Christian pulled him even closer. “Don’t worry, baby-you will.”