Author: Angelee

Title: No Place For Me

Date: Dec 25, 2005

Pairing: Dax/Blair Sandburg

Fandom: Starship Troopers2/Sentinel

Rating: R

Summary: Across the universes a place is found

Disclaimer: Heh, right.

Advertisement: Part of the SAC-2004 at http: www.kardasi.com/Advent2004/SAC-2004html

Note: I want to thank my sister Anna who went above and beyond. Watching Starships Troopers 2 again for me when I couldn’t bring myself to and wrote down all the information I need. A basic knowledge of the movie is necessary, but I wouldn’t ask you to see it. Especially if you have a thing against big, ugly, disgusting, mean bugs.

Note 2: Captain Dax is played by Richard Burgi.

Note 3. Yeah, I know this one’s got a lot of notes. I borrowed a few things from Star Trek (my first love) to allow Blair to get Dax to safety. I make no apologies for it-I just thought you might like to know. (o:

Beta: By my sister Anna. All final errors are mine-with apologies.

“Hmm,” Dax moaned softly.

“Easy, easy. You’re alright.”

Dax moaned again. Damn he hurt. He hurt all over. Suddenly he shot up. Opening startled, blue eyes.

Strong arms came around him. “Easy, buddy. Easy. You’re alright. You’re safe.”

Dax held on to the arms keeping him anchored. “I…I’m suppose to be dead. They were swarming all over the place. They were practically on top of me.”

“Shh, you’re not dead. You’re safe. You’re safe.” Hands gently stroked his back.

“H…How?”

“I transported you out of there before they could kill you.”

“How? Who the hell are you?”

“I’m Blair Sandburg. The rest may be to complicated for you to understand right now.”

Dax looked at the man holding him. No more than maybe twenty-three, twenty-four. With wide, blue eyes and a mane of the curliest hair Dax had ever seen.

“T…try me,” He said hoarsely.

Blair smiled at him. “Not now. You’ve had a shock to your system. I’ll explain it to you later after you’ve rested.”

Suddenly what energy he had went out of Dax and he felt himself go limp. “I’m tired. So tired.”

Blair helped him lay back against the bed. “I know you are. Sleep. You’re safe,” Blair said softly, covering Dax with a big warm quilt. “they can’t get to you here. No bugs can find you here. Sleep, sleep.” Dax felt hands gently stroking his forehead as he drifted off.

Blair watched the man he’d saved at great personal risk and at great expense. Yeah he was one of the universe’s greatest peeping hmm-Blairs, the universes only peeping Blair come to think of it. He’d been told to quit it. Stop watching. And he’d stuck to it mostly. It’d been a great research tool being able to see how others in the universes lived.

He watched. Watched as others lived for the simple fact Blair Sandburg didn’t have a life. Stuck in his research, he went nowhere, did nothing but study or do research. And quite frankly he was sick of it. Sick to death of it. He wanted a life. He watched the humans in the next universe fight for survival against swarming, ugly bugs that gave no quarter and knew absolutely no mercy. He watched appalled and sickened. He did nothing. Could do nothing. Until now.

Blair researched and researched some more, until he couldn’t see straight. There had to be something he could do to help. There was nothing he could do to stop the bugs. Oh, but how he would have loved to, he truly would, but he was to far away and didn’t have the power for it.

He thought he’d found a way. The only thing was that he could only save one and he wasn’t even sure about it working. He used all his scientific knowledge and had done it. Saved one from sure death. It had all but destroyed a section of his small research facility, but he’d done it. He’d saved this war weary soul from sure death.

Blair smiled down at him continually caressing the man’s forehead. Giving comfort to the man moving restlessly on the bed, still caught in the nightmare of giant bugs.

The man was beautiful. What he’d seen of his eyes they were a icy blue. His face covered by straggly gray beard. He had a well-chiseled body the leather he wore show-cased very nicely. Yet the man was tired of life. Blair had seen it in those beautiful blue eyes when they’d been open.

Blair hoped he would have a chance to heal while he was here. Hopefully he’d want to stay here for awhile. It’d been forever since Blair had had company. Far to long. Yes, he’d be the first to admit that he was lonely. So lonely sometimes he ached with it.

Blair sighed softly to himself. It felt good to have someone around to talk to and touch like he was doing now to this man. His skin was soft so soft, Blair thought to himself as he gently stroked the man’s forehead easing the lines of stress. He wonder if the rest of him was as soft.

Blair had no false notions about his sexuality. He did what he wished with who he wished to do it with. Not that he’d had an opportunity lately. It’d been at least five years since he’d felt the warmth of another’s touch or caresses on his body. His right hand and he had been the best of friends for so long they were now on first name bases. Come to think of it-he and his left hand had now resorted to silly nicknames. Blair thought to himself with a chuckle.

The handsome stranger looked so inviting in sleep, so comfortable. Before Blair knew what he was doing he lifted the quilt and climbed in, resting his head against a broad chest, closing his eyes.

Dax woke slowly. Feeling warm and comfortable and perhaps even safe for the first time in ages, he sighed happily. That’s when he noticed there was someone laying on his chest. He looked down. He probably shouldn’t have as he got a nose full of curly hair for his trouble.

Where the hell was he? And who the hell was using him as a pillow? The curly head on his chest moved slowly. That’s when Dax realized that he’d been gently stroking the very soft locks of hair.

“Hmm, that’s nice,” The man on him replied softly, looking up. Dax held his breath when he caught sight of the most beautiful pair of blue eyes that had ever been his pleasure of seeing followed by the cutest, shyest smile in existence. Dax just put it off to not having been laid in what seemed like forever. Not that he hadn’t had offers. There was that private, but there was something off about her. And he wasn’t that desperate to have sex anyway. At least not then, he thought to himself as he stared into an innocent pair of blue eyes.

“Not that I mind you using me as a pillow, but who the hell are you?” Dax asked a bit hoarsely.

“I already told you?”

“You did?”

“Yup. But you were a bit shocky so I’m not really surprised you don’t remember me. I’m Blair Sandburg.”

“Okay. So Blair Sandburg, where the hell am I?”

“Wow. You really don’t remember anything I told you earlier do you?”

“You told me that, too?”

“Yup.”

“Oh. Sorry,” Dax said softly. Realizing that he was still stroking Blair’s soft hair. Reluctantly he pulled his hands away.

“Don’t be. I’ll explain everything to you again, now that you’re a bit more aware.” Suddenly the blue eyes turned shy and tiny smile lifted the corners of Blair’s sensual mouth. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask. Can’t guarantee what kind of answer you’re going to get though.”

“I know that we don’t know each other yet or anything, but could you touch my hair again. I really, really like that. And it’s been so long,” Blair finished off wistfully.

“You, too?” Dax replied, doing as Blair asked.

“Huh?”

“Since you’ve been touched?” Dax said, pushing the curly locks off Blair’s really cute face.

“Too long.”

“Yeah me, too. Unless you count the bug trying to fuck my face or the private trying to get into my pants. I really hate pushy females,” Dax shook his head at the puzzled look Blair was giving him. “It’s not important now. Later.”

Blair nodded. “Okay. But if it doesn’t offend your male dignity can we stay like this for a little longer? I’m not proud and you feel good. Big, buff, broad and very warm.”

Dax laughed. “It doesn’t offend me in the least. I’m a soldier, we learn to take pleasure whenever and wherever we can. And frankly you feel good too, Chief.”

Blair gave him a brilliant smile. “I’m glad. I was worried you wouldn’t like me.”

“I like you, Chief. Now lay down.”

“Sir, yes, sir,” Blair replied smartly, resting his head on Dax’s shoulder happily.

“Smart ass.”

“Hmm, yes. Hands on hair, please.”

“Oooh, bossy-too,” Dax replied. “And we just met.”

“Hmm. What’s your name by the way?”

“ V. J. Dax. Call me Dax.”

“Nice name,” Blair said sleepily.

“Yeah, I like it.”

Silence filled the room as Dax gently stroked Blair’s head. He sighed softly. Enjoying the comforting warmth of the man resting against him. It was as if he’d known Blair forever. Knew and trusted him. Perhaps in another life, another universe they did. He knew for sure it was happening in this one, and very easily too. He needed to find out where he was and why he wasn’t dead. He felt his eyes begin to get heavy once more. Wrapping his arms around Blair, pulled him closer. He’d do it later, much, much later he thought to himself as he drifted off.

Dax woke slowly hours later to find Blair watching him. “A…am I that interesting?” He asked trying to clear his throat.

Blair smiled at him. “Very interesting. I haven’t had company in along time.”

Dax moved curly hair off of Blair’s face gently. “Oh, yeah.”

Blair moved into the caress. “Hmm.”

Dax watched as Blair’s beautiful blue eyes closed. “Wanna tell me where I am?” He asked softly.

“You’re in my research complex. On a planet called Cascadia.”

“Oh?”

“Hmm,” Blair replied seeking more from those big warm hands.

“How did I get here. I was about to die.”

“You didn’t.” Blair replied distractedly.

“Obviously. Why am I not dead, Blair?”

“Didn’t want you to die.”

Dax tightened his fingers in Blair curly hair trying to get the younger man to focus. “Blair, how did I get here?”

“I transported you here.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’ve been working on a system that transports items from one place to another instantaneously. Along with my studies in anthropology. When I saw the next universe to ours was having trouble I sped up the research. I saw you when I was looking for someone to help. I couldn’t let you die. I just couldn’t. But I wasn’t sure the transporter would work.”

“Could this transporter have killed me?” Dax said a bit harshly.

Blair flinched. “Yes.”

“How?”

Blair looked over Dax’s head. “By scrambling your molecules through our two universes.”

“And that would have been better than getting killed by butt-ugly bugs?”

Blair gave him a small smile. “Hmm, yes?” He asked, tentatively, hopefully. He really didn’t want to lose his new friend.

Dax returned the smile. “Damn right. I’m glad it worked, though I really wouldn’t want to be scrambled through two universes. That might hurt.”

Blair looked at him hopefully. “You aren’t mad?”

“Why would I be mad?”

“Cause I took you from your universe without permission?”

Dax kissed the side Blair’s nose. “No. I’m not mad. You saved my life. Why would I be mad? I’m grateful, very, very grateful.”

Blair sighed happy. “I’m glad. Want to see my complex? And you could probably use a shower and some hot food,” he said, rising reluctantly from the bed.

Dax watched him go. “Are you saying I smell?”

“Well it certainly isn’t me I’m a smelling, buddy. You smell like you’ve had bugs crawling all over you. Or you’ve been standing really close to a bug zapper. Yuck.” Blair told him as he took a hold of Dax’s hand and gently tugging, while holding his nose with two fingers of his free hand.

Dax went, chuckling. “I should really be offended, but I’m not,” he said, pulling Blair into his arms for a bear hug.

“I like hugs,” Blair replied from somewhere around Dax’s chest.

“Hmm, me too.”

Blair looked up at him mischievously. “I’d like them better if you weren’t so smelly.”

Dax laughed. “All right led me to the shower.”

He followed Blair refusing to let go of his hand. That’s when he noticed the sad-looking little tree in the corner. “Why do you have a tree in your bedroom?”

Blair looked over at it. “Well this isn’t just my bedroom. It’s a study, bedroom, office, living room. And I have a tree in here because tomorrow is Christmas.”

“Christmas?”

Blair looked at Jim curiously. “You do celebrate Christmas, don’t you?”

“Yeah. I just lost all track of time. I didn’t know it was so soon or even what day it was,” Dax said a little stunned.

Blair looked at him sympatically. “You were fighting for your life, Dax. Forgetting a holiday isn’t that grievous an offense.”

“I…I know it’s just that I…”

Blair watched as Dax’s eyes filled with tears. He couldn’t stand it, he pulled the bigger man into his arms. “Shh, don’t worry. We can celebrate it together.”

“Blair, if you hadn’t done what you did I wouldn’t have a Christmas to celebrate.” Dax said tightening his arms around the curly-haired man. “Thank-you. Thank-you.”

“Jim, there’s one other thing,” Blair said hesitantly almost fearfully.

“What?”

“You can’t go back. I’m sorry really sorry, but bringing you here toasted the transporter. I may not ever be able to do the repairs. And if I can, it’ll take years before it’ll be working right.” Solemn, sad blue eyes looked up at him.

Dax shrugged his shoulders. “Don’t worry about it. I didn’t have anything to go back to anyway. If I went back it would only be to be court-martialed and probably shot. I’ve got major issues, Blair. I won’t lie to you about that. But I’d like to stay with you, if you’ll have me.”

Blair tugged Dax toward the shower. “There’s no question about that, my friend. Now let see about getting you a date with warm water and lots and lots of soap and then some food.”

The curly-haired man left Dax to his shower after giving him some clean clothing and towels. Dax watched him leave. Wanting desperately to ask Blair to shower with him, but knowing it was to soon. Dax knew that Blair would probably agree. It was just to soon. But man the little shit was cute. With a heavy sigh Dax turned to his shower.

“Hmm, something smells good,” Dax said, having followed his nose to the small kitchen.

Blair smiled at him shyly. “Thank’s. Its just chicken soup and sandwiches.”

Dax sat at at small kitchen table. “If all you’ve had was army rations for as long as you can remember, this here’s a feast.”

“Oh, okay. Well dig in.”

No words were spoken as they ate. Until Blair looked up at him with his big blue eyes, bright and curious. “So tell me about yourself, Dax.”

Dax took a bite of his sandwich. “Not much to tell,” he hedged.

“There has to be something to Dax besides being big and very beautiful.”

“Not really,” Dax gave him a brilliant smile at the compliment. “that about covers it.”

Blair rolled his eyes. “Come on, Dax,” He persisted, not seeing the flush of anger starting to colored the other man’s face.

Suddenly Dax shoved away from the table. So suddenly Blair startled. “What the fuck do you want me to say? Huh? What the fuck do you want from me? Want me to bare my soul? Is that what you want? Is that what it’ll take to pay off this life debt I have with you?” Dax shouted, his big body trembling.

Stunned Blair watched the blue eyes fill with tears. “No…I..”

“Want me to tell you why I ended up locked in a furnace for eight fucking days with no food, no water, no fucking hope? Want to know how I killed my Commander with my bare hands with no guilt and no remorse? Why I wear all these dog tags around my head so that it feels like I’m being weighted down by them? Choked by them? Is that what you want? Is that the price for saving my life? My soul?”

“No, Dax. I don’t want your soul. I wouldn’t say no to your heart though,” Blair said quietly, moving closer to the hurting man.

Dax gave Blair a shaky smile. “It’s a bit beat up. I don’t think you want it?” He wiped at his eyes savagely. “I don’t think anyone would wanted it. It’s not safe to be around me. Everyone around me dies.”

Blair touched Dax’s arm tentatively. “I want it. I want to be around you. As for your heart, I can fix it for you if you like.”

“Oh, yeah? How?” Dax asked skeptically. Yet he didn’t move away from the comfort the other man was offering.

“Look at me, Dax.” The older man met the patient blue eyes. Gentle fingers wiped at the tears coursing down his face. “Stay with me. I’ll help you. You’re not alone any more.” With a sound so painful it broke Blair’s heart Dax pulled him into his arms, burying his head in his hair. He began crying deep, wretching sobs that tore at Blair. Healing had begun even though it didn’t seem like it to either man.

Finally Dax pulled away slowly. “I’m sorry,” he said, breath hitching. That’s when he noticed that Blair had been crying to. “Don’t cry for me. I don’t deserve it. And I’m really sorry to lay all these on you.”

“Don’t be sorry. It’s alright,” Blair replied, gently rocking the older man. “do you feel better?”

“Yeah. I did tell you I had issues.”

“Yeah, you did. I don’t mind.”

“Tell me that when I wake up screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night,” Dax said, gently moving Blair’s curly hair away from his face. Wiping the tears away with his thumbs.

Blair moved into the gentle carress. “Hmm, okay. Hey, you want to see my complex now?”

“Okay. But can you hold me for a little while more first?” Dax asked, voice breaking.

“Forever if you would but ask.”

Dax sighed heavily, eyes filling with renewed tears he wrapped himself around Blair tightly.

************************************************************************

The tour of the complex took all of twenty minutes as Blair showed Dax around his new home. Telling the soldier about his job as an anthropologist and about the dig he’d been working alone on a desolate planet for going on five years now. His punishment for telling one of his professors at Rainier College what he could do with a rare artifact when they got into an argument about it orgins. How was he suppose to know that the professor was the Dean’s brother? Blair also showed Dax the charred room where he’d done his research on teleportation.

“Can you get into trouble for this?” Dax asked, fingering the melted remains of what Blair said had once been the transporter controls.

“Yeah, I could. But I’d probably get into more trouble for snooping.”

“Snooping?”

“Yeah, I got a slap on the wrist for watching the universes to see how other’s live. It’s a great research tool, I must say. But this is going to earn me a royal slap on the bottom,” Blair said, with a sheepish grin as he pointed around the blackened room. “I’ll probably get a visit from the Dean again and another five years added to my sentence. At the rate I’m going I’ll never get my Masters Degree.”

“I’m sorry, Blair.”

The curly-haired man smiled at him. “Don’t be sorry, Dax. I’m not.”

“What about me? What are they likely to do with me?”

“They can’t exactly send you back. The only information on how to build the platform and how it works went up in a blaze of fire and shiny sparks, many, many shiny sparks.” Blair said shuddering.

“You didn’t make a back-up?”

Blair nodded. “Yes, I did. It’s in that unrecognizable block of metal over in the corner or the room. I might be able to recreate it with what I remember, but like I said earlier it could take years, if ever.”

“Oh.”

Blair touched Dax’s arm. “I will try if you like, maybe get your friends out.”

Dax shook his head. “All my friends are dead,” He replied, fingering the dog tags around his neck. “killed by those fucking bugs.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No, not right now,” He met Blair’s blue eyes. “someday. But not right now.”

“Okay. Hey, wanna help me decorate the Christmas tree?”

Dax smiled at Blair, who was practically bouncing. “Okay.”

They decorated the tree with the homemade ornaments Blair had made. So now the sad little tree didn’t look so sad.

“Where the hell did you get such a sorry-looking tree?” Dax asked, placing a shiny star on top.

“From outside. This planet doesn’t have a hell of a lot on it, but it’s got trees and there’s a lake with fish. It’s not to bad a place to be unless you’re here by yourself.”

“Can we go fishing?”

Blair nodded taking a step back eyeing their tree critically. “Don’t see why not. Do you think it need more angels?”

“Na. Looks good to me. I’m hungry,” Dax said in surprise. He hadn’t had that much of an appetite since all his men had gotten killed.

“Hmm, me too. What would you like?”

“Fried chicken, with mash potatoes and gravy, corn and chocolate cake?”

“Can do. Wanna peel some potatoes?”

Dax nodded as he followed Blair out of the living room/bedroom/study. “Yeah. Hey how do you get you food supplies being you‘re out in the middle of nowhere?”

“The planet has fruit trees and there’s wild game as well as fish and a transport ship delivers food stuff every three months. I’m due for another delivery next week.” Blair cringed. “That’s probably when I’m going to get my buns whacked.”

Jim smiled. “I’ll protect you.”

Blair laughed. “Really?”

Dax pulled him into a hug. “Hmm. If anyone wants to get to you they’ve got to go through me.”

“I could get use to this,” Blair said, wrapping his arms around Dax’s big strong body. He pulled away slightly. “Hey, I’m thinking you’re liking this a little to much. At least that’s if what I’m feeling up against my leg is any indication.”

Dax shugged sheepishly. “It’s been a long time.”

“Yeah, me too. Wanna fool around?” Blair asked hopefully.

Dax cupped Blair’s face in gentle hands. “I’d love to, Blair, but we can’t.”

“B…but why?”

“I want to move slowly in this. I’ve got a lot to get use to. Being alive being one very important one. I thought I was going to die a horrible, painful death. The fact that all my men died and that I killed the man who gave the order that sent them to their death, another. I should have died, Blair, but I didn’t. I thought for the longest time there’d be no place for me and suddenly, quite surprisingly there is. A place offering more than I ever thought possible. Or even what I deserve. It’s a lot to deal with. Let me deal with the issues I need to deal with before I make a commitment.”

“Do you want to make a commitment with me? We could just have sex?”

“We could. Is that what you want?”

Blair looked out at their Christmas tree. It was sparking happily with paper angels and glitter-covered stars. It was still a pitiful little tree, but now it was a cheerfully happy pitiful tree. Then at the man who’s life he’d just saved, meeting the waiting beautiful blue eyes. “I want more,” He told him quietly. Knowing it to be true. This beautiful, damaged man could and probably already meant the world to him. Blair would help him heal. Would pick up the pieces when Dax fell apart. Would hold him when he cried himself to sleep at night, mourning the loss of his men. Blair could help him. Knew he could and he would.

Dax gave him a smile. “So do I.”

“Can we at least fool around a little bit? Blair asked, blushing at sounding so needful.

“Yeah, don’t see why not.” Dax replied, chuckling softly. Liking the fact that Blair wanted him so much.

“When?”

Dax cupped the face looking up at him. “You can wait. If not here’s a down payment,” He said kissing him gently.

“Couple of hours may be to long, even with a down payment.” Blair replied lick at Dax’s lips hungrily.

“Could be less. Depends,” Dax teased, pulling away slowly. “might be as little as half an hour or maybe till after dinner. Lets get it out of the way so we can get to doing more important things.”

“Cool. And after we get the more important stuff done I want to show you a old tome by Sir Richard Burton? The explorer not the actor? It’s on Sentinels, it’s really a neat book. So how long did you say were you locked up in that furnace?”