Title: Warm Summer’s Night
Author: Angelee
Fandom: The Sentinel
Pairing: Jim/Blair
Rating: Adult
Summary: Can a Friendship be saved?
Beta: By my sister Anna. All remaining errors are mine own-with apologies.
Warm Summer’s Night
“Oh, what a beautiful night,” Blair told himself softly.
He’s hiked deep into the
Jim hated him. Had kicked him out of the apartment. Had kissed the bitch that had tried to kill him. The bitch that had in fact-killed him.
Blair wasn’t sure how he felt about that. After all Jim had brought him back. They’d been in the spirit world. Blair’d felt it when Jim had brought him back. Felt everything. Some of which he now hoped he’d never felt. Jim had given Blair a part of himself that the Sentinel was afraid to in the real world. A part Blair wished with his whole heart he’d never felt. He wiped at the tears coursing down his face angrily.
Jim held himself away from everything warm and comfortable in the real world. He could be so…aloof and so stone fucking cold. So cold. Just one look from those icy blue eyes could freeze you dead. God-how Blair hated that look.
He’d felt the way Jim could be. What he held away from everyone.
Blair had felt it when Jim had brought him back. He wanted that feeling back with an ache that hurt more than any physical pain ever could. He wanted to touch it just one more time to see if it had been real.
Blair sighed softly. He needed to find what to do with himself now. He had no place to live. No one to call friend. The person he’d thought his one true friend no longer wanted him. Had in fact tossed him out.
That hurt more than when Jim had kissed Alex. Blair wiped at a stray tear, sighing deeply and with soul deep sadness.
He’d never felt so alone as he did right at this moment. Wishing with all his heart to be in another universe, another world. A blue one. Able to feel Jim’s love. Feel what Jim could give him in Blair’s perfect world.
It really was a beautiful night. It was so clear the stars shown like brightly scattered glitter. He wished he could enjoy it, but he was so sad not even the fireflies whirling happily around him could bring a smile to his face.
“Is this a private party or can anyone join?”
Blair stiffened. “How did you find me? He asked not turning around. Not daring to. Even knowing that the Sentinel could smell the salty tears that now ran unchecked down his face.
“I’m a Sentinel. Who knows the heartbeat of his Guide.”
“Ah.”
“Yup. Can I sit down?”
“I suppose. You’re already here,” Blair told him ungraciously.
“Yeah, I am,” Jim told him sitting close, but not to close. Not wanting to push his luck. “Nice night.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m sorry, Blair.”
“For which of your million and one offenses?”
“All of them. I messed up big. And I’m truly sorry.”
“And you think that waving around your ‘I’m sorry’s’ is going to make it all better?”
“No, not really, but I was hoping that it’d be a start,” Jim whispered. “and we might maybe move on from there.”
Blair didn’t answer. For the longest time he didn’t answer. Jim was starting to despair that Blair would never answer him.
“I don’t know if we can.”
“Please, Blair. What can I do to make it up to you?”
“I don’t know, Jim. You’ve taken everything away from me that meant something. A place I considered home. You betrayed me with Alex. And most important of all, you took away your friendship.”
“Blair, I…”
“You can never truly give me what I want anyway. At least not in this world.”
Jim looked up into the night sky. “Does it mean that out friendship is over?”
“Jim at this point I don’t think we even had a friendship.”
The Sentinel gasped. “H…how can you say that? We’ve been together for three years.”
“That doesn’t mean shit,” Blair told him harshly.
“You don’t mean that. How can you mean that,” Jim asked him, stunned.
“Does a friend kick you out of his home? The only home he’s ever really had. Pack his belongings into little boxes and tells him to get out? No explanations, just out. Does this same friend make out on a beach with someone that only days before killed this supposed best friend?” Blair asked, turning to fully face him for the first time. Unwilling to now hid the tears. Allowing Jim to see how badly he’d been hurt. Was hurting.
“Can I touch you?”
“No,” Blair replied wiping at his face with the back of his hand.
“Okay,” Jim conceded sadly.
They sat together silently. Each lost in thought. Jim wondering if they had anything left to salvage? Blair wondering why he hadn’t just died?
Blair suddenly realized that Jim was crying softly. His Sentinel was crying. That seemed to hurt more than everything that had happened between them.
“Are you crying, Jim?”
“Yes?”
“Why?”
“I wish I knew,” Jim told him, wiping at his eyes.
“Okay, let me know when you do. But for now if it makes you feel better you can touch me. I promise not to hit you.”
Jim moved closer. Wrapping his arms around Blair pulling him close. “I’m sorry, Blair. I really am very sorry.”
“I know you are, Jim.”
“I never meant to hurt you.”
“But you did,” Blair replied hoarsely. “Badly.”
“Yes.”
Blair lost himself in the feel and scent of his Sentinel. It felt good. Almost as good as when they’d been in the blue-tinted spirit world. “I hurt,” he whispered Sentinel soft. “You hurt me.’
“I know I did, baby. I know,” Jim kissed the side of his face. “and I’m so, so sorry. I love you, Blair. Really I do.”
“Do you?”
“Yes. More than my life.”
“That’s good.”
“Is it?” Jim asked hopefully.
“Yes,” Blair replied, practically climbing into Jim’s lap trying to get as close as he could. Not realizing till now how cold he’d been. “It helps. A lot. I don’t hurt as much now.”
“I’m glad,” Jim said softly, pulling his Guide closer. “Nice night.”
“Yeah,” Blair answered, his head resting comfortably against Jim’s shoulder. “It is.”